Saturday, March 31, 2012

In God's Timing

I've heard this phrase a lot, actually I mean A LOT, in the past several years.  "Things will work out in God's timing." "Just be patient, your family will grow in God's time."  "Remember you are not in control, it's all in God's time."  I agree.  But sometimes I get confused.  For example, should we not have applied for adoption, because if we are supposed to have another baby it will happen in God's time?  Or, because we felt lead/drawn to adoption is that OK?  What about adoption outreach?  We were just waiting, our profile was in the book and we felt like at some point we'd get picked by the "right" family.  By doing outreach, are we not trusting God and His timing, or is He leading us to do outreach because it's how we will get matched with the right family?  See what I mean!?

I think I'll just go ride the wave (Thanks, Jodi!) and try not to over analyze this (If you've met met you are probably thinking, good luck with that!!)!

It will all work God's timing.

Monthly Check In

About once a month I check the LSS infant adoption blog to see the recent articles, events and stats they've posted and I look at web page of waiting families.  This check in I saw the family that I believe has been waiting the longest in the "matched" section.  I am SO happy for them!!

Intensity and Momentum

Since "launching" our Facebook page there has been a different level of intensity and momentum related to our adoption journey.  The quiet waiting period seems to be long gone, and my emotions are heightened.  The funny thing is that I'm not jumping at the phone to ring, but rather I'm contemplating ways to better share our story.  I want to keep the momentum for the Facebook page going, yet I don't want to bombard people with requests to like or share our page.  The potential for a TV interview is on my brain, which is an AMAZING opportunity, but I'm not going to lie, it's overwhelming, too.  Promoting ourselves just seems weird.  Uncomfortable, unnatural and humbling.  I'd really love for all of this to be easier, to be normal, to not have to work so hard for so many years to have a baby.

In the end I need to remember that the more people that know our story, the better our chances of a match.

In the past week and a half, I've had some interactions that have helped me to accept and embrace our outreach efforts.  I'm doing my best to tell myself that I should enjoy this process because it's the story of bringing our next baby to our family.

As I was nervously chatting with a co-worker about our potential interview and mentioned it to a couple of other co-workers that were close by.  Their genuine excitement helped me to realize that instead of having nervous energy, I needed to focus on positive energy.

After a shopping date at Target with my boys, I ran to the mall to pick up one more thing.  I ended up spending more time there than I expected (what a surprise!) and as I was walking out, walking in was a friend who has both a biological and adopted son.  We never run into each other except when we plan lunch dates.  It was so good to catch up with her and share our recent updates.  Watching her boys together was so, so, so inspiring.  She told me as they were walking in, the youngest was holding the oldest's arm and said, "I love you brother!"  Oh, I can't wait!

I had a lunch event for work today.  I walked in and saw a friend that I used to volunteer with and don't get to see very often anymore.  She told me that she loved our adoption Facebook page and that she had no idea we were adopting.  She commented that she couldn't imagine a more loving family for a baby.  So, sweet.

Thank goodness for these types of interactions!  They keep me as focused as I can be on what's important: the support, the positive and the possibilities.

I'll keep living with the intensity and will try to keep up the momentum, because in the end, it will bring our baby home.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012


Our outreach efforts have truly given us so much hope.  We're very inspired by the support we've received and are thankful to have friends and family helping us to spread the word.  I know some people have truly gone out of their comfort zone to help us share our story.

Within one week, our Facebook page received 184 likes and was shared by at least 30 people.  (!/ThompsonFamilyAdoption) I wish that if you liked the post I made, it automatically liked our Facebook adoption page, too, because I noticed some people liked my post, but not our page.  Oh well!  The important thing is getting the word out!!  Our adoption website has had over 200 new hits. It's encouraging to think that more people are aware of our desire to adopt, and will hopefully mention us if they know of someone considering adoption for their child.

We've received emails and posts from other adoptive parents giving us encouragement.  The common thread: It will be worth it!

The hope we've been given through our outreach came at a time where we really needed it.  Jamie and I are so thankful, it's put a new spring in our step.  Hope is a beautiful thing.  Knowing that many are rooting for us warms our hearts.

We've had some additional excitement, too.  Some "I know someone stories" that maybe could come to fruition?  And this, too: My AMAZING sister-in-law posted our adoption Facebook page on her site (with some very sweet comments), one of Jamie's friends from Dawson saw it.  She did some additional outreach for us and the next day WCCO called to see if we'd be interested in doing a story!!  We are still working out the details, but there's a good possibility that they will come out next week to interview our family.  It's been an emotional week--in a very good way.  No matter what happens, we're thankful for the opportunity to tell our story to others...for two reasons: I hope to bring more awareness to that nasty disease called infertility as well as bring a baby to our family.  I believe that we'll find the perfect match--a birth family and child that we're meant to share our life with.

A Treadmill with a Side of Hope

This past Saturday, the three of us went to the Twin Cities for the day.  Our first stop was to check out a treadmill on Craig's List.  After trying it out, we walked outside and the woman selling the treadmill said to me, "You mentioned that you two are adopting, I'm adopted."  Wow.  (Yep, we do tell EVERYONE!) We had a great talk and she told us that her older brother is biological, she said that when they'd get into fights when they were kids, she'd tell him, "They (their parents) HAD to have you, they PICKED me!"  I got a kick out of that since I had just heard a similar story secondhand from another friend.  It helped me to see that our adopted child/red will see that although their birth story and arrival to our family is different than Griffin's, it's very, very special!

When we came back at night to pick up the treadmill, the woman told me that she called her mom after talking to me and told her our story.  She said that they've added us to their prayer list.  It's amazing how God continues to lead us to stories of hope to help us during this journey.

As a side note, as soon as we got into the basement where the treadmill was, Griffin ran up to a cool R2D2 toy.  After playing with it for a few minutes, the boy that owned the toy told Griffin he could keep it!  R2's batteries were missing, so we weren't sure what he could do, but regardless, Griffin loved him!  When we put batteries in him the next day, he started talking, "walking" and responding to commands.  He's Griffin's new buddy, and we feel that it's held off us adopting a dog for at least another 6 months! 


Thursday, March 22, 2012

It made me nauseous, but I did it.

A few posts ago, I mentioned the story that my co-worker sent me about a family that were matched with their adopted child through Facebook.  And, I also commented about how scary that seemed to me.  I am not a private person, but I don't like attention.  I really enjoy being under the radar, sailing smoothly in my comfort zone.
I decided to get out of my comfort zone and created a Facebook adoption page.  I asked my super awesome sister-in-law Jesi (see, I am practicing, Jesi) to check it out and tell me what she thought.  She encouraged me to post it.  And, I did!  Then I posted on her Facebook page that I thought I might throw up!  Here's what I posted:

Jamie and I are the kind of people that like to remain "under the radar", but some things are worth getting out of our comfort zone for...our family is one of them. We are currently a waiting adoptive family, we're approved for domestic infant adoption. 50% of matches happen by word of mouth. We'd appreciate it if you'd help us spread the word about our desire to be parents again by liking our adoption page-Thompson Family Adoption: and sharing it with your friends. We're hopeful that we can help Griffin make his dream of becoming a big brother come true. Thank you!

I sat and watched all of the likes and shares come through and tears streamed down my face. People were liking my post, sharing it with others, liking our was amazing! It was so uplifting to receive support from so many people. What an amazing gift. In 2 hours we had 70 likes on our adoption Facebook page. When I woke up in the morning we had 100. Last I checked we had over 40. Amazing. People were checking out our adoption website, too. The link is: Pages that had 66 hits before I posted the page had 113 hits within two hours. It's great to know that if one of those people hears about a family that is choosing adoption for their baby, they will hopefully think of us. I received emails from people I have never met encouraging us, and from people I know that didn't realize we were hoping to adopt. Am I glad I got out of my comfort zone? You bet! Tuesday night will be a memorable one for me, I'll never forget the overwhelming feeling of support, love and hope I felt as the likes, shares and messages came through. A few other things happened due to our post--we received contact from another "I know someone" situation and it appears that we'll have some additional outreach coming our way thanks to people spreading the word! Stay tuned, I think we have some exciting things in store!

Seriously, what are the odds?

So, I went back to crabby on Saturday.  No idea why.  And, I HATE crabby.  But I was.  Poor Jamie.  Good thing he loves me so much!
Anyway, so I went on my crabby ways and a relative stopped over with his friend.  So I acted not crabby for a while.  We were chatting about her kids and taking about Griffin and I mentioned that we were a waiting adoptive family (As you can tell by now we seriously TELL everyone that will listen--who knows who will make the connection for us!?).  Then she goes on to tell me that her oldest son is adopted.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Randomly comes over to sprinkle hope all over me.  LOVE IT!  Then she tells me that they were considering adoption again when she miraculously, naturally got pregnant with twin girls.  Get our of town.  It was like the hope fairy came for a visit.  So, my crabbiness departed (it did make a sneak appearance later) and I was able to smile thinking of how happy and proud this women was of her three children that all arrived to her in miraculous ways.  I can't wait to see how our story unfolds.

I Know Someone...Emotional day

Early in the morning on Friday I got in the middle of two women announcing their pregnancies and talking about hearing their baby's heartbeat during their ultrasounds. Not exactly the kind of place I enjoy being. As you know, the ultrasound room is where we've gotten all of our bad news...that our babies were no longer living. I sucked it up and got out of the situation and did what every good woman would do, called my friend to see if she or I would be picking up mochas. It's hard....I am thankful to be a waiting to adopt, I wish it could be easier.  I loved carrying my babies in my belly, I loved Jamie rubbing my belly every night and I loved walking around proudly with my belly showing the world that I was going to be a mom. 

I was sipping my mocha and feeling a little down when the phone rang.  It was a good friend, she told me about a friend of hers that new of a potential adoption situation.  Talk about perfect timing.  It was just the glimmer of hope I needed to put the spring back in my step.

I emailed her our adoption profile and we're doing what we've gotten so good at...waiting!  :)  I'm sure it's a long shot, but at least it's a glimmer!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

At the Waterpark

Griffin, a friend, her daughter and I had a great two day trip to the cities. We did lots of fun kid things...including sliding, lazy rivering, drifting, tubing and splashing at an awesome waterpark. I noticed a family there with three beautiful children, one looked to be about 6, the other two about two. But the two weren't twins, the girl was Caucasian and the boy was African American. I started chatting with the mom because I figured she was a kindred spirit, ya know, another women that had been "through it" to grow her family. She told me that her oldest boy was conceived through IVF, they adopted the second oldest from Ethiopia, he was three and they brought him home last October. In the mean time they got unexpectedly pregnant-which they were told would likely never happen. She smiled and said it was a tough road, but they made it...she said it's kinda like hold your baby and the pain subsides and you know it was all worth it. She was so sweet and sincere. She wished us the best on our journey and thanked me for the nice chat. I looked over to see her two youngest hand in hand walking up the steps to go down a slide. Siblings brought together by adoption. What a beautiful sight.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Sitting on the Sidelines

I've talked a bit about this before, but something came up today that got me thinking more about it.  Through the adoption process, we've done just that, gone through the adoption process.  Jamie and I both like processes and rules....not to some crazy extreme, but in a good way (of course that's what I think!).  So following the process seems reasonable, smart, efficient and oh so comfortable.  After what we've been through I trust that something WILL work out for us.  I don't expect to ever understand why we lost so many babies, but I can understand that we've been brought to adoption for a reason.  I am thankful and grateful for the opportunity...on so many levels.

A friend, co-worker and mentor (literally) sent me this link today:

It put me in the uncomfortable world of adoption outreach.  Doing more than just telling people we are a waiting family, but reaching out to people.  Maybe through social media, maybe through ads, maybe through flyers.  It makes me feel so vulnerable....being an open book to everyone seems scary to me.  What about the calls from women that are scams....leading us on to think they are pregnant, but really want money.  What about getting a "match" with someone that hasn't had any counseling, will she change her mind?  What about all of the people reading about our life that are just reading it to be nosy...GASP!  I really want to avoid drama and disappointments if we can.  We've had enough of both.

Then the same friend sent me a devotional.  The message was from 2 Corinthians 5:7 For we live by faith, not by sight.  Part of the devotional read, "If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of Me working through you."

So I started thinking about getting out of my comfort zone.

On the way to pick up Griffin today I started daydreaming about adding more to our adoption website and sharing it publicly (right now it's only shared through LSS....nice and safe!  I thought about a Facebook page and You Tube video.  It all seems so time consuming, I'd rather be spending time with my boys, blogging, hanging out with friends, scrapbooking, this list could go on forever.  But, if it brings us to our baby, then it will be worth it.

So, I'm going to start pondering what outreach could look like for us, and at the same time keep praying that we get a call.  THE call.  Soon!

P.S. Jodi I loved your post about your calls.  So exciting, fun and inspirational!

A Change in Body Image

For years I have been frustrated and ANGRY with my body for not doing what it's "supposed" to do.  I always assumed that getting pregnant and carrying a baby was easy--almost too easy!  Then I got the curve ball, the two year wait to get pregnant with Griffin....but it happened and my pregnancy was perfect and he was perfect, so I assumed the struggle was over.  Then you know the story,  pregnancies were difficult to come by, two of them costing us about $30,000 in one year, and every pregnancy since Griffin resulted in a miscarriage.  My body failed me when I needed it most.  DESPERATE to have another baby, yet I couldn't rely on my body.  I did what the doctors told me--lightened up on my workouts, gave up caffeine, stabbed myself with shots, popped pills, but still complete failure.  I was left grieving, out of shape, and worst of all, with an empty belly.

Ann and Jordi's wedding came along and I started to take "control" of my body again.  Eating better, exercising, taking care of myself.  I talked to my doctor about my blood sugar, overall health and disappointment with my body....on so many levels.  I listened to what he told me.

This year I started setting new goals.  Goals that were for me, difficult in my eyes, but obtainable.  One involved running.  My workout buddy and I started to exercise together another day a week.  We worked harder than before.  I connected with friends that encouraged me. And, if you know me, you know that I am determined and competitive with myself, that worked in my favor.

In February I ran 5 miles by myself.  Soon after, my running buddy (do you like that name by the way?) and I ran 6 miles...on a snow covered trail....HARD WORK!

On Saturday I decided to go for a run.  It was beautiful out and I felt great.  I started thinking about how much I used to hate my body, but now I am amazed with what it can do.  I never imagined that I would be able to run 5 miles, let alone 6!  As I was running, I was getting choked up, I felt like the anger I had about my body was leaving me and instead of negative thoughts I was filled with positive thoughts--what I COULD do instead of what I COULDN'T do.  I called Jamie to let him know that I thought I would run farther than I expected, so not to worry if I wasn't home for a little while.  I turned around and headed for home, thankful for what I could do.  I got home to my very proud boys.  Jamie made me banana chocolate chip pancakes and a fried egg and told me to keep stretching.  He always takes good care of me.  I left to clock my route and was excited to see the distance increasing.....3.5, 3.7, 3.8.....4.5, 4.6, 4.7, 4.8!  4.8 way!  Astounded (and a little ticked I didn't get to 5 miles--you know me!), I ran a total of 9.6 miles.

It was a very liberating experience for me.  I had no idea I could do it.  My body didn't fail me, it kept going.  And, I felt great.  What a memorable day for me, a defining point in my healing process.

We celebrated with family coffee drinks (a hot chocolate for the little man).  I called my running buddy, she was so proud!  I called my mom, too.  She was so proud, too, and my dad gave me one of his classic comments that always crack me up....  My mom: Ron!  Heather ran 9.6 miles!  My dad: Tell her to quit that!
I love it! :)


A Visit to the Dentist

Every time I am at the dentist I am reminded that we have waited another six months for a baby, yet still don't have one.  I sit down in the chair and the questions start: Have your medications changed?  Are you currently pregnant?  Are you trying to get pregnant?  I usually give them a new list of medications (much easier now than when I was trying to get pregnant), today was easy since I've steered clear of fertility medications for a while and I no longer have to schedule the photos of my teeth during the two "safe" weeks of the month.  I am sure it was much easier on the hygienist, too, since I didn't get all teary eyed this visit.  I'm getting better at talking about our struggles to grow our family.  We talked about health, the weather and adoption.  She asked me lots of questions, not in a nosy sort of way, but a genuinely curious sort of way.  Then she asked if Griffin was "mine".  Between scrapings I responded, "Yes."  In my head I thought, "I wish she wouldn't say it like that.....our next baby, likely to be adopted, will be ours."  Just then, she said, "I'm sorry, you probably knew what I meant, I meant to ask if your son was biological."  Apparently hygienists are teeth scrapers AND mind readers, too.

The dentist came in and we talked about adoption, too.  Yes, do you get the idea that I tell everyone we come in contact with?  You never know who might be the connection to our future child!!  Then he told me about his brother that adopted through foster care, and that his daughter did IVF multiple times and it didn't work.  But, about a year later she got pregnant.  Some day we'll be the people that other people talk about.  The couple that couldn't have more kids, but now have more kids.  (I'll keep it plural because I think that's more fun.)

When I left the hygienist told me to bring in photos of our baby if we adopt before our next visit.  I walked back to work hoping that my next six month visit won't be another reminder of the time that's passed without the addition we've been praying for.  

Friday, March 9, 2012

Good for Us

I had our new cloth diaper on my hand (for the baby we don't have and don't know when we'll have....boy, that sounds crazy), and Jamie said, "This is good for us, Heather."  And he reminded me of the baby outfit that was hanging in his closet.

A few weeks ago I bought a baby gift for a friend.  I came home and showed Jamie the gifts and he asked if I bought anything for our baby.  I thought it was a funny question, and even more funny was that I actually had bought something.  I found a tiny little "Daddy's rock star" outfit on yellow dot (for those of you that know Herberger's!) and thought it would be fun to put it in Jamie's closet as hope of what's to come.  

I forgot all about that cute little outfit until Jamie reminded me of it today.  He told me he loves having it there.  Hopefully some day I'll be posting a photo on this blog of our baby in the outfit!

Our first Mud Butt.

I got to pick up our first Mud Butt diaper today....isn't it ADORABLE!?  I told Griffin he could put it on his buddy, Flopsie.  Then Griffin wanted to get out one of his old bottles and feed Flopsie. (Yes, we use flour as "formula"!)  He's going to be a fantastic big brother someday.

I was admiring the diaper tonight, thinking about how fun it will be to have our baby in it, and fear crossed my mind, what if we never have a baby?  I told myself to quit thinking that way, and just enjoy the moment.  So, I did!

Kudos to Carrie at Mud Butt Cloth Diapers for the design and great work! cute will photos be in this diaper!?!

I know someone--update.

We received some more information on the "I know someone" situation, based on what we know we don't think a match with the family will be in our future.  It was fun to have something potential brewing, it definitely gave us some feeling of hope, but we still feel confident that some day we'll get our match.  The perfect match for us.


The other day spring was in the air, which means no jackets, which means many more visible pregnant bellies.  I ran into a women that I see frequently, she is pregnant, and it caught me off guard.  I started to get choked up and was glad I had my sunglasses on.  Some days seeing those beautiful, healthy bellies full of a sweet little baby is hard.  I know that most likely I'll never be pregnant again.  And, if I was, my innocence has been lost. I know I could never enjoy pregnancy as I did with Griffin.

Today I saw the cute pregnant belly again.  At the same time Griffin looked at me in my winter coat and said, "Mommy, it looks like you have a baby in your tummy."  Great.  Honestly, if I ever wear a empire waist shirt I ask Jamie if I look pregnant (side if he'd ever say yes!)....anyway, I am so afraid of someone thinking or asking me if I'm pregnant.  I said to Griffin, "You know there isn't a baby in there."  I felt bad for the expecting mother, she knows our history.  When we got in the car I reminded Griffin that I wasn't going to have a baby in my tummy.  He commented that he knew that and that someone was going to give us a baby some day.  Then he said to me, "Don't be sad Mommy, we are going to have a baby some day."  Gosh...that kid picks up on things, doesn't he?

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Happy Tears

I was daydreaming about our baby today.  Holding our baby for the first time, tears streaming down my face, not only literally, but in my dream, too.  I think about holding his or her precious face to mine knowing that it was all worth it.  Worth the wait.

I have a feeling that the blog posts I add after we adopt will involve lots of photos of me with tears running down my cheeks....lots of happy tears.

How my thoughts have changed....

When we started on the adoption journey I wanted to grow our family, I wanted a baby and dreamed and dreamed about the day that the three of us could sit together and admire our new family member.  It was all about us having a baby, a bigger family.

Then we went to LSS training, heard stories, talked to adoptive parents and learned and thought much more about birth parents, birth grandparents, etc.  With our happiness, will of course come their sorrow.  If you know me, you know my heart, and their sorrow is so, so hard for me.

Recently, mostly due to this potential complicated situation, I've been thinking about the life we can provide our baby.  The unconditional love, safety, health care, family adventures, future, faith, extended family and friends.  Things that are givens to me, but many children don't have.  I hadn't spent much time thinking about us giving a "better" life to a child, although people have mentioned it to me many times.  I've had a hard time thinking that we can better care for a child than someone else, we're just average everyday people that can't seem to have more children.  Our journey to growing our family has been so very painful, but recently I really, truly am feeling like we're being called to do this for reasons other than our own selfishness of having more children.  I'm guessing that this piece is all part of the journey.

I know someone, update

I got a call yesterday from the woman that connected us to the most recent "I know someone" possibility.  It's still quite complicated, and we certainly don't know that it will progress to anything more, but it sure gives me hope.

It's interesting...when hearing about a potential situation, the dream about our future family changes.  I start imagining details related to the information I receive, and it's fun (yet, scary).  I love hope, it keeps me hanging on.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

My Phone

Since we've been in the waiting families book, the whereabouts of my phone has grown in importance.  Waiting, waiting, waiting for the call.

Sometimes at work I'll be plugging along on a project and will think "What if today's the day!?" I scramble to find my phone anxiously looking at it to see if there is a missed call with a mysterious number.  Not so far, but some day I'm sure that call will come through.

In the mean time, if you call and I sound slightly disappointed, it has nothing to do with you.  It has everything to do with a mom's desire to be a mom again.

Just what I needed.

For some reason Monday was tough on me.  Maybe it was the long, busy weekend catching up with me? Whatever it was, I felt completely exhausted.  I was "off" all day, and completely frustrated by it.  After talking about my day with Jamie, and playing basketball with Griffin in the basement, my spirits were getting better...but were far from 100%, they were far from 50%!   I logged onto Facebook and saw a post from someone, one of those people that always has an entertaining or thought provoking post.  The words "said goodbye before they got to say hello" caught my eye.  That's me, so I read the attached link.  It was a beautiful, helpful, and true blog post titled Forget-Me-Nots.  It made me feel less alone and more understood.  I read it and cried, so much of what it said I've tried to explain, but sometimes couldn't find the right words.  It reminded me to give myself grace, not just through my process of "healing" from the disappointments and losses we've had trying to grow our family, but daily.  It was just what I needed on this tough Monday, a good cry, acknowledgement of how far I've come, and a reminder of the need to give myself grace.