The other day spring was in the air, which means no jackets, which means many more visible pregnant bellies. I ran into a women that I see frequently, she is pregnant, and it caught me off guard. I started to get choked up and was glad I had my sunglasses on. Some days seeing those beautiful, healthy bellies full of a sweet little baby is hard. I know that most likely I'll never be pregnant again. And, if I was, my innocence has been lost. I know I could never enjoy pregnancy as I did with Griffin.
Today I saw the cute pregnant belly again. At the same time Griffin looked at me in my winter coat and said, "Mommy, it looks like you have a baby in your tummy." Great. Honestly, if I ever wear a empire waist shirt I ask Jamie if I look pregnant (side note...as if he'd ever say yes!)....anyway, I am so afraid of someone thinking or asking me if I'm pregnant. I said to Griffin, "You know there isn't a baby in there." I felt bad for the expecting mother, she knows our history. When we got in the car I reminded Griffin that I wasn't going to have a baby in my tummy. He commented that he knew that and that someone was going to give us a baby some day. Then he said to me, "Don't be sad Mommy, we are going to have a baby some day." Gosh...that kid picks up on things, doesn't he?
Showing posts with label pregnant bellies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnant bellies. Show all posts
Friday, March 9, 2012
Monday, September 19, 2011
Family Photos
I know someone that had family photos taken, and a few days later one of the family members was killed. Those photos are cherished now, and send a reminder to me to capture moments in time whenever I can. (Yep, that's why I have a camera glued to my face!)
However, there was a time that taking family photos was hard for me. I remember my good friend and photographer Mandi from amanda rae photography (by the way look at the cutie on the far left of her website) came to take our photos. She got done and I bawled. Bawled because there were 3 of us in the photo and there should have been 4. And, I don't mean "should have been" like I wish there would have been, I mean "should have been" as in we had a miscarriage and the baby that would have been born wasn't there. I felt like someone was missing.
I can look back at family photos and tag them with something...."that one was taken the day before I found out I was pregnant, only to miscarry 3 weeks later"....."that one was taken just as we started IVF....the IVF that ended in an early miscarriage".
Yesterday we visited an old friend and checked out his new, amazing photography studio. He took our photos. The three of us. And, he took some of Jamie and me. Just the two of us, stronger than before. The photos Judd took will be our "those were taken as we waited for our adoption" photos. And, for the first time in a long time, they won't be photos of what was missing, but what will be. They aren't photos of me feeling empty, with no life growing in me. They will be photos of us, a family, a team, the three of us that have so much to look forward to.
After we got done with photos, Jamie, Griffin and Judd were singing and playing the guitar (yes, Judd has the loft set up for a band!) and another photographer walked in. His sister and brother-in-law followed. She had a big swollen belly, I figured she was coming in for maternity photos.
You know what? I wasn't jealous. I didn't think about how she "wrecked" my day. I didn't even think, "She's so lucky, I hope she realizes it". I thought she was coming in to take photos of her belly, that's it. I sat there in my dress and heels and reflected on that....I was happy where I am. I feel healthy and fit again. I don't feel empty. My empty feelings have changed to a fullness of hope.....full of a growing baby that isn't growing physically in me, but is mentally. I don't understand why we've been brought on this road, but it's our road and we're making the absolute best of it.
By the way, the woman was coming in to have her 1 week old baby's photos taken. He was adorable. We talked about babies. We told her we applied for adoption. It's so fun to share our news....kinda like being pregnant, but different. It's like opening up that we've struggled, but we aren't giving up.
And, someday, I'll be the woman with the one week old baby getting his/her photos taken. I have a feeling I'll be crying the whole time, crying happy tears.
However, there was a time that taking family photos was hard for me. I remember my good friend and photographer Mandi from amanda rae photography (by the way look at the cutie on the far left of her website) came to take our photos. She got done and I bawled. Bawled because there were 3 of us in the photo and there should have been 4. And, I don't mean "should have been" like I wish there would have been, I mean "should have been" as in we had a miscarriage and the baby that would have been born wasn't there. I felt like someone was missing.
I can look back at family photos and tag them with something...."that one was taken the day before I found out I was pregnant, only to miscarry 3 weeks later"....."that one was taken just as we started IVF....the IVF that ended in an early miscarriage".
Yesterday we visited an old friend and checked out his new, amazing photography studio. He took our photos. The three of us. And, he took some of Jamie and me. Just the two of us, stronger than before. The photos Judd took will be our "those were taken as we waited for our adoption" photos. And, for the first time in a long time, they won't be photos of what was missing, but what will be. They aren't photos of me feeling empty, with no life growing in me. They will be photos of us, a family, a team, the three of us that have so much to look forward to.
After we got done with photos, Jamie, Griffin and Judd were singing and playing the guitar (yes, Judd has the loft set up for a band!) and another photographer walked in. His sister and brother-in-law followed. She had a big swollen belly, I figured she was coming in for maternity photos.
You know what? I wasn't jealous. I didn't think about how she "wrecked" my day. I didn't even think, "She's so lucky, I hope she realizes it". I thought she was coming in to take photos of her belly, that's it. I sat there in my dress and heels and reflected on that....I was happy where I am. I feel healthy and fit again. I don't feel empty. My empty feelings have changed to a fullness of hope.....full of a growing baby that isn't growing physically in me, but is mentally. I don't understand why we've been brought on this road, but it's our road and we're making the absolute best of it.
By the way, the woman was coming in to have her 1 week old baby's photos taken. He was adorable. We talked about babies. We told her we applied for adoption. It's so fun to share our news....kinda like being pregnant, but different. It's like opening up that we've struggled, but we aren't giving up.
And, someday, I'll be the woman with the one week old baby getting his/her photos taken. I have a feeling I'll be crying the whole time, crying happy tears.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Jealous of a Belly.
Sometimes I get hit harder with the disappointment that we can't easily have children. This happened the other day at the county fair. Of course, I am THANKFUL that we are blessed with Griffin, but that doesn't mean that I can completely stop my feelings of wishing we had more children...it's something I've dreamed about my whole life--having kidS.
We spent quite a bit of time in the Midway--Griffin's favorite place. There are tons of rides and corn dogs, pretty much all he needs for pure bliss! Of course there were lots of families there, families with 2, 3, 4 kids. And that really didn't bother me. It was one beautiful pregnant belly that bothered me. And, I'm not really sure why that one bugged me, but it did. She really looked like a nice person, someone I would be friends with. And, there were other bellies, but they didn't bother me. Maybe it was because she seemed a little like me, just an average gal. Maybe it was because she was at the perfect cute belly stage. Maybe it was because she wasn't flaunting it at all, it just looked so natural on her. I looked over at Jamie and said, "Sometimes I just don't like pregnant people." And Jamie said, "That's ok, God loves you anyway." He's a hoot!
Soon after spotting the lady with her beautiful belly, I noticed a warning sign on a ride. I couldn't help but take a photo.
We spent quite a bit of time in the Midway--Griffin's favorite place. There are tons of rides and corn dogs, pretty much all he needs for pure bliss! Of course there were lots of families there, families with 2, 3, 4 kids. And that really didn't bother me. It was one beautiful pregnant belly that bothered me. And, I'm not really sure why that one bugged me, but it did. She really looked like a nice person, someone I would be friends with. And, there were other bellies, but they didn't bother me. Maybe it was because she seemed a little like me, just an average gal. Maybe it was because she was at the perfect cute belly stage. Maybe it was because she wasn't flaunting it at all, it just looked so natural on her. I looked over at Jamie and said, "Sometimes I just don't like pregnant people." And Jamie said, "That's ok, God loves you anyway." He's a hoot!
Soon after spotting the lady with her beautiful belly, I noticed a warning sign on a ride. I couldn't help but take a photo.
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