Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A Little Test

I added a new feature on my blog--you can sign up for email updates when I post something.  The problem is that I am not sure really how this thing works.  So, here's my test!  And to you that have signed up to get the emails...thanks!  XO

Monday, August 29, 2011

Movin' on Up!

I'm tired.  But, I just have to share this!  At work today I got an email from our social worker.  We're sixth in line to get in the adoption profile book!

Just last week I was able to have lunch with a dear, dear friend.  I was telling her that I was disappointed to find out we were 15th in line to get in the book.  But, we've waited this long, what's a little longer.  I figured it would take us 6 or more months to get in the book.  I could call our social worker to see where we were at, but I didn't think it was really necessary to know.  We'd get a call when we were #5, #4, #3, #2, and #1.  It was great to hear my friend's voice on the phone with me today when we celebrated our good news.   I'm thankful for the many thoughtful and supportive people that have been on this journey with us. 

It turns out, it's fun to know where you are on the list when you are only 6 families away from getting into the book.  Six beautiful adoptions.  Six families having their dreams come true.  Then, we'll get in the book!  And, I realize that it's just another step--we won't instantly get a match.  But, we will have a chance at a match. 

What does it mean when we go in "the book"?  Our profile (along with 59 other families) will be in 7 books in Lutheran Social Services offices around the state for expecting mothers and fathers to view.  If they like what they see, they could have a meeting with us.  A CHANCE.

So, I better get cruising on our profile.  But, for now, I plan to go to bed. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Dealing with PCOS

Some of you may know that I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) after my first round of IVF.  I thought my RE (Reproductive Endocinologist) was off his rocker.  I learned from the women in my RESOLVE support group that women with PCOS commonly have major weight gain when going off the pill, struggle with obesity, have acne, male patterned baldness and facial hair.  Not really me.

But, I also had a friend dealing with PCOS that talked to me about insulin resistance a while ago.  She, too, didn't have external symptoms.  (And she has the cutest little baby now!)

My RE showed me some ratios based on my blood work that helped support his diagnosis.  And, when I produced eggs on the low doses of meds he prescribed, I PRODUCED eggs, a crazy amount of eggs, seriously like 25.  Yes, I know, that's crazy!  Most of them died within days.  Lots of poor quality eggs (hard to believe if you have ever met Griffin!). 

After the diagnosis I had an ultrasound of my ovaries near the town I live in (my RE is 2 hours away).  I mentioned to the ultrasound tech that I was diagnosed with PCOS.  She told me I didn't look like I had PCOS.  Then she looked at my ovaries, sure enough, I looked like I had PCOS.

For my second round of IVF I was put on metformin--it's prescribed for pre-diabetic and diabetic people and has been known to help achieve pregnancy.  And, we got pregnant!  Then I miscarried our sweet baby boy at 14 weeks. 

I noticed I felt better on the medication.  Less dizzy.  Less hungry.  I got pregnant again...naturally....except for the metformin that helped control my blood sugar.  But, I miscarried AGAIN (#4). 

Since we aren't trying to get pregnant anymore, I thought I'd go off the pills.  I reduced my dosage and started taking my glucose levels.  They were high, like pre-diabetic high.  Ugh.  I exercise.  I eat pretty healthy.  I'm a decent weight.

So, off to the doctor I went.  I'll be staying on the meds for the long haul--unless I can somehow manage to control my blood sugar better naturally.  He advised me to count my calories and focus on a diabetic diet.  And, he told me to buy a heart rate monitor and work on improving the quality of my workouts.  I'm hoping to lose the 10 pounds that seemed to come along with the IVF medications and never went away.

I got my lab work back today, I'm good as long as I'm on the medication.  So, that's where I'll be.  The 35 year-old-gal doing what I can to avoid full blown diabetes. 

What does blood sugar have to do with getting and staying pregnant?  I think a lot.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Prepping for a Visit!

We were so excited to have our good friends and their 11 month-old baby come for a visit this weekend (they live SIX hours away)!  We always have a great time with them, and couldn't wait to see how much their little girl had grown.  The night before we grabbed a few baby items from our basement and had the best time getting them ready for our cute little visitor.  (Griffin thoroughly enjoyed the exersaucer!)  It was so fun to have a baby in our home again! 

All three of us were having so much fun cleaning the toys and high chair.  I looked over at Jamie and commented that I didn't expect it to be so much fun.  It wasn't a chore at all, and wasn't one bit depressing- despite the fact that I thought we would need some of these things for our own baby by now.  Maybe it's because I am so happy that my friend gets to be a mom?  Maybe I have been blessed with grace?  Maybe I've finally accepted that things are different for us?  Different, hard, but we also have so much good. 

Griffin was so interested in the baby--he wanted to feed her and was hoping that she could come play with him outside some day.  But, after a while, you could tell that sharing his toys--and attention--was getting a bit old. 

We offered to keep her longer, but apparently her parents like her too much!  :)

P.S. I think my husband has nice legs. 

Jealous of a Belly.

Sometimes I get hit harder with the disappointment that we can't easily have children.  This happened the other day at the county fair.  Of course, I am THANKFUL that we are blessed with Griffin, but that doesn't mean that I can completely stop my feelings of wishing we had more's something I've dreamed about my whole life--having kidS. 

We spent quite a bit of time in the Midway--Griffin's favorite place.  There are tons of rides and corn dogs, pretty much all he needs for pure bliss!  Of course there were lots of families there, families with 2, 3, 4 kids.  And that really didn't bother me.  It was one beautiful pregnant belly that bothered me.  And, I'm not really sure why that one bugged me, but it did.  She really looked like a nice person, someone I would be friends with.  And, there were other bellies, but they didn't bother me.  Maybe it was because she seemed a little like me, just an average gal.  Maybe it was because she was at the perfect cute belly stage.  Maybe it was because she wasn't flaunting it at all, it just looked so natural on her.  I looked over at Jamie and said, "Sometimes I just don't like pregnant people."  And Jamie said, "That's ok, God loves you anyway."  He's a hoot!

Soon after spotting the lady with her beautiful belly, I noticed a warning sign on a ride.  I couldn't help but take a photo. 

Funny how that works out....

Our last adoption garage sale brought in $1,000, so our grand total for our adoption garage sales was $2,500!  (Of course, this is thanks to LOTS of donations and LOTS of help from friends and family!)  Anyway, the invoice came for the next fees for our adoption...and it was for $1,000.  I love it when stuff works out like that! 

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Marketing Ourselves

So, we're approved.  Now for the part that I thought would be easy, but it turns out that it's really not all that easy.  Marketing ourselves.  It's so hard, I want to show our lives to potential birth mothers, but it feels so weird, almost like we are "showing off"--look at us, look at our house, look at our son, pick us!  And, it's hard to put our life into a few web pages or scrapbook profiles.  What's important?  What's not?  What is too much information?  What's not enough?

I'm going with just trying to tell our story.  The story of us--the Thompson family and our family adventures.  And, I figure the right person will like us, right?  Someone will say, "Look, they let their kid get dirty, I'll pick them." or "I love it that they camped in the backyard, I want my kid to grow up camping in the back yard." or "Look at that mom, she clearly doesn't shower on her days off so she can spend more time with her kid, I'll pick them."  Ok, maybe not.  But, hopefully our real everyday life will identify with someone that will choose us. 

One thing is for sure....this process makes me feel very vulnerable.  I want people to like us.  We want another baby to love, but to do that someone has to like us.  And, like us enough that they want us to raise their child.  That's a lot of like! 
I started an adoption website, I'm creating it through Shutterfly.  It's not likely to come up in searches, but that's ok with me.  We can spread the site by word of mouth, and to me that just feels safer. 

I've spend HOURS looking though our photos from the last year to include on the site.  I LOVE photos and I take way too many.  But, I'm glad I have a lot to chose from and am hoping that our photos speak to an expecting mother that would like us to parent her baby.

The other day we were out on the boat.  It was a beautiful, calm day.  Jamie was fishing, Griffin was napping and I was writing.  So, quite a bit of the info for the website is right here:

I love that journal.  I bought it at Marshall's without a real plan for it.  I just thought it might be handy.  I was right!  I jot down thoughts, notes, adoption info and things to blog. 

If you want to see the start of our website, here it is:  Just keep in mind that I've only just begun.  I have lots to add and edit!  I'll let you know when I make lots of progress and take those notes from my journal and add them to the website!

And, I'll be looking for people that are willing to proof the site for me and offer suggestions.  Feel free to sign up! 

Thanks everyone for your support....we have a great team of family and friends rooting for us.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Be Nice to Your Kids

I had to get a few things at the store the other day and was behind two people in line.  A woman with 4 children and a man.  They were getting things separately, but were together.  The woman bought some things, paid for them, then took a large flat screen TV out of her cart to pay for it.  Her credit card didn't go though.  She got mad.  She asked for the man's phone.  The kids were restless.  Tt was a hot summer day and I am sure the last place they wanted to be was the store.  She got really mad at the little boy, about 4, he was the second oldest.  She started yelling, grabbed him hard, pulled him and he started crying.  Hard.  She kept yelling and grabbed him again.  My heart broke.  The man wasn't any help.  I gave a look of compassion to the boy.  I started to get hot and tremble a bit.  Thoughts crossed my mind.  I dreamed of the things I wanted to say:

"Hi, I love children, but can't have any more.  You are so blessed to have 4.  Could you please be nice to the them?"

"Hi, I've spent $30,000 on fertility treatments and have 3 miscarriages to show for it.  Please appreciate the beautiful children you have."

"Hi, I'd do about anything (and feel like I have) to have 4 beautiful children.  Be thankful for yours."

"Hi, if you lay another finger on that sweet little boy, you will regret it."

Instead of saying anything I was quiet.  I felt flushed, said a prayer for those sweet children and the upset mother, and left with my bags.  I felt unsettled for quite some time. 


A few weeks ago I was at Como Zoo with my good friend and her children.  We were having a great day.  I went into the restroom and heard a mom berating her 9ish year old daughter.  "Going on this field trip was the worst idea I ever had!  I thought it would be fun, but it's not.  No, I will not buy you a water, the other kids don't get bottles of water...why should you?!  This has been a terrible day!  I am never going on a school trip with you again!"  The little girl was trembling and crying.  They went into a stall together.  I was trembling.  How could a mother talk to her daughter that way?  Ever.  And, in front of her classmates--even worse.  The girl walked out of the stall before her mom.  I touched her arm and said, "It's ok, sweetie."  She gave me a timid smile.  The mom came out, looked at me and didn't say other word. 

I wonder if these moms know how truly blessed they are.

Comfort and Help

The other day I looked up a website my mother-in-law gave me.  She was watching CNN and saw a special on adoption, it talked about an organization called Help Us Adopt (  It's a non-profit that provides grants to families with financial difficulties that want to adopt.

I read, and clicked and read and clicked.  It was started by a woman kinda like me, ya know, infertile.  And she has a blog:  I'm even kinda blonde right now, at least the strands of my hair that I paid to dye blonde. 

I couldn't stop reading and clicking.  And, my thoughts kept coming--how amazing it was that she did this--started such a great organization, blogged about her feelings. Sshe is COMFORTING and HELPING people, many people.  She's helping people achieve their dream of becoming parents.  Wow. 

I've always said that when "this" part of my life is done, I want to help people get through their struggles with infertility.  I'm not sure how I'll do it yet, but I'll somehow make it happen.  I want to comfort others and give them hope. 

I went to bed uplifted.

I went to Bible study the next day.  Our group is doing a study called Brave by Angela Thomas.  I love it.  Down to earth, real, easy to understand.  I started watching the video and I immediately felt like the session was written just for me.  Seriously. 

She talked about fear, the kind of fear that makes you tremble inside.  I know that fear.  She quoted 2 Corinthians 1:4-5.  To paraphrase: The purpose of receiving comfort is so that we may comfort others.  I thought of all of the comfort I have received through our difficult times, due to our faith, family and friends.  It has inspired me to want to comfort others.

She also talked about hope.  Having hope through adversity.  Hope.  A thing called hope. 

It's fun when things in life come together, and through the grief and challenges, I can somehow see clearly.  Even if it is just for a moment.