All done! Just kidding.

I want to swear!  I was just about to post (and brag) that we're all done with our profile (meaning ready to mail all done) when I looked over at the printer to see the last few pages of our LSS Adoptive Family Information (income, ethnicity, religion, ya know, nothing all that important) coming through the printer streaky.  NO!  The printer is running out of black ink.  Seriously!?  So, I opened the desk drawer to see if we had an extra cartridge...no such luck.  But, I did find 7 (yes 7) empty cartridges.  What is wrong with me?  OK, add to the "to do list"--clean desk.  I'm sure that will get done soon, or like, never. 

Anyway, the good new is that our profile looks even better than I could have imagined--the color quality is amazing!  We had them printed at West Central Printing--Steph and Laura took great care of us!  They even sent me with a box to ship them in so that they stay in tip top condition! 

And, the other good news is that Jamie is "in town" getting his hair cut, so he can pick up a cartridge. 

And, more good news, we got to eat at Frieda's for breakfast since it's right by the print shop!

18 copies!  7 will go in binders at the LSS offices around the state.  The others will be sent to families, etc. upon request.  (We had to complete a notarized form consenting to that.)

 How ironic--in this photo is one of my favorite books on infertility--Conquering Infertility by Dr. Alice D. Domar.  I had it out because I was gathering resources for someone that's just begun her battle with infertility.  I've now switched to leisure reading rather than coping reading.  Fun!

Sigh of Relief!

A huge weight was lifted off me as I attached our adoption profile to an email and sent it off to be printed.  Then, I emailed everything for our web listing to LSS. I honestly felt giddy and started to well up with tears of joy.  Soon we will have a chance at being picked to parent once again.  What a blessing!  I KNOW it will be a hard road.  I KNOW we have a lot to learn, and will continually be learning.  But, I also KNOW that we have lots and lots of unconditional love to give a child and we can't wait to share it.  I'm thrilled that we have this opportunity and that Jamie and I are on the same page and both knew our family wasn't complete yet.  I'm thrilled that we have so many people supporting us.  Any negativity we hear about our desire to adopt doesn't come from our core group. 

Many people proofed our profile, it was great to get the input of our friends, family and expert proofers!  So many great points and ideas were brought up which helped to make our profile better.  The thing I really love about it is that it's so US. The real deal. 

Many uplifting things happened this week that encourage our hope and I'll share those later.  It seemed like every time I turned around I was encouraged by a hope filled story or a "sign".  Love that!

We're in!!!!!!! Well, almost.

We got the message today!!!  We were invited to put our family profile in the adoptive families book through LSS.  Holy buckets.  So, we're in, but not really, because we aren't quite ready!!  Can you believe that!?  We still have to make a few tweaks to our profile.  So, this weekend we'll be all over that.  Hopefully by the middle of next week we'll be able to send everything in....along with our check for $5,000 to go into the book. A lot of cash, but I am sure it will be worth every penny and more!!  Bring it on!  Hello diapers!  Hello cute baby noises!  Hello rocking chair!  Hello fighting over toys!  Hello sleepless nights!  Bring it all on!

Thanks to all of you that helped with the proofing process.  Your guidance meant a ton to me.  Truly. 

XO
Heather, soon to be profiled with my family!

Home Study Written Up!

We got an email today from our social worker that our home study was written up, so we just needed to read through it, make corrections, and it would be sent in.  I just took a peek at it and I was a little surprised...it's pretty much a 15 page history of our life.  It's actually quite interesting to read (but maybe that's just because it's about OUR life!) She even wrote about how we met, and I appreciate that she commented that it wasn't my general practice to give my phone number to men that I met in bars!  It's going to be fun to read, and I want to enjoy it with Jamie, so I'll hold off until he's around so we can read through it together. I have a feeling it will make us laugh, and cry! 

I can't believe I am saying this, and might take it back if we don't get matched for a long time, but for now I can't believe how fast it's going!  There have been so many positive steps along the way.  Feelings of success, hope, excitement and progress....completely the opposite of our infertility journey.  I'm keeping the hope alive that we'll end up with another precious little addition to our family someday.  Can't wait, but I will!

#2!

I just logged into my personal email account and found a very happy message from LSS--we've moved up to #2 to get in the profile book.   Ya-hoo!  Bring on the caffeine, I may be inspired to pull an all nighter to finish up our profile!  To those of you that offered to proof it--get ready!  :) 

Movin' on Up!

I'm tired.  But, I just have to share this!  At work today I got an email from our social worker.  We're sixth in line to get in the adoption profile book!

Just last week I was able to have lunch with a dear, dear friend.  I was telling her that I was disappointed to find out we were 15th in line to get in the book.  But, we've waited this long, what's a little longer.  I figured it would take us 6 or more months to get in the book.  I could call our social worker to see where we were at, but I didn't think it was really necessary to know.  We'd get a call when we were #5, #4, #3, #2, and #1.  It was great to hear my friend's voice on the phone with me today when we celebrated our good news.   I'm thankful for the many thoughtful and supportive people that have been on this journey with us. 

It turns out, it's fun to know where you are on the list when you are only 6 families away from getting into the book.  Six beautiful adoptions.  Six families having their dreams come true.  Then, we'll get in the book!  And, I realize that it's just another step--we won't instantly get a match.  But, we will have a chance at a match. 

What does it mean when we go in "the book"?  Our profile (along with 59 other families) will be in 7 books in Lutheran Social Services offices around the state for expecting mothers and fathers to view.  If they like what they see, they could have a meeting with us.  A CHANCE.

So, I better get cruising on our profile.  But, for now, I plan to go to bed. 

Verbally Approved!

Our social worker came to our home for a brief visit.  She's laid back and encouraging--she definitely makes us feel at ease.  Griffin gave her the grand tour and showed her the important parts of our house, including blocks to build a hide out, every noisy toy he owns and his new bedroom ("that he will sleep in when we have another baby"....long time from now but it's ready!).  She asked him some questions about his responsibilities around the house and some of our rules.  After some encouragement he got more comfortable and answered questions.  He definitely was showing off a bit and had a hard time not acting goofy.  It was a little tough for me to see--he's such a great kid with a wonderful personality--and he wasn't himself during the visit.  But, I am sure she's used to it.  It's always different for a kid to have a stranger in his home--and one asking questions and taking notes is even more "strange". 

We got into some tough questions, "Would you consider this....?  What would you do if....?"  Basically questions trying to determine what we would consider in a child and birth family.  What it comes down to is that we are open.  We are open, welcoming people and would welcome a child into our lives.  It's hard to put conditions on anything and be definitive, because as we well know, you never know where life could lead you.  I would have said I would never own a minivan, never do IVF, never survive 4 miscarriages, but here I am! 

At the end of our meeting she said we were verbally approved and could go on the waiting list to be in the profile book (down to a wait of 12 families trying to get in the book of 60 families).  So, that's it!  Now it's the fun stuff--develop our website and profile for the book and wait. 

1st Home Study Meeting

Our 1st home study meeting went great!  We met our social worker at her office in St. Cloud and spent 3 hours visiting with her.  She is wonderful--positive, easy to talk to, and offered us lots of helpful insight.  She is adopted, which is what prompted her to go into the profession.  It was interesting to hear her story, she found out she was adopted when she was about 7. 

She talked to us about the waiting list right away, it's much longer than it's been in a while--17 families are waiting to get into the profile book of 60 families.  The families that we met during our training in April are approved and ready for adoption but, we are about 2 months behind due to our most recent miscarriage.  She recommended doing some outreach, if we are able to be connected to a birth mother without going in the profile book, this could expedite the process and save us $5,000.  But, it will be worth the wait! 

She asked us lots of questions, but the meeting felt much more like a conversation than an interview.  It was actually quite fun and easy, we talked to her about growing up, school, how we met and our favorite topic, Griffin.  She asked some "deep" questions--how do we cope with grief and loss, what types of support systems do we have in place, how do we make decisions when we don't agree, etc. 

The second part of our home study will be at our home, most likely a week from Friday (due to the state shutdown a course she was planning to teach is cancelled).  She needs to see our home to make sure that we have room for another child and that it's safe.  We have another section of questions to answer regarding our family life and it will be helpful to have Griffin involved in that piece.  I can't wait to have her meet him!

We are excited for our next steps...thanks for the support and for joining us on this journey! 

Home Study

We heard from our adoption social worker! We'll be heading to her office in St. Cloud on May 17th. We'll have a 2 hour+ meeting with her, then the next step will a meeting in our home. We're moving along.....

DONE!

We just finished our online training and adoption application paperwork this afternoon! What a huge relief--it's a great feeling to have the paperwork checklist crossed off and ready to send in. It was a ton of work, but as Jamie kept saying "BABY!". :) (As a side note, my application/essays were 13 pages and Jamie's were 14 pages--guess he's more long winded than me, which I didn't know was possible!) Our next big step is our adoption class on Thursday. Now I can focus on the garage sale (it's next Friday and Saturday) as well as our adoption website and profile. Bring it on!

Progress.

I was having a hard time on Monday morning. I was feeling like we had too much to do before April 21 (our adoption training day). We need to finish our paperwork, complete 8 hours of online training, get fingerprinted and gather more "junk" and price it to make sure the adoption garage sale is a success. To top it off, I was
visiting with a friend that gets ready at the Y the same time I do. I told her about our adoption garage sale and she inquired about the cost of adoption. I casually mentioned that it would probably cost between $22,000-$25,000. Her face said it all, she had complete sticker shock. She repeated, "I can't believe it costs that much." That stuck in my head. Really, I can't believe it costs that much either. Sigh. So. Much. Money. I know it will be SO worth it. But, it feels so unfair. We've worked so hard in school and our careers to get to where we are. Living paycheck to paycheck was a thing of the past. Then, we couldn't have babies like other people. The easy way. The normal way. The natural way. And, we love babies. We have so much love to give. So, after time, the money didn't bother me. It's just money. We can make more, right? What would I rather have, a lifetime of joy or a finished basement and fun trips? A lifetime of joy, thank you very much! But, on Monday it all bothered me. I wanted a pity party! I married my true love...and, our fairy tale came to a screeching halt when we tried to pursue the next dream....to grow our family. So, I had a mini pity party on the way to work. And, I pity partied a bit at work.

Then I got an email from a friend/co-worker/someone that really understands and offers me lots of encouragement and support. She commented that she read this blog and she was impressed that we were making so much progress so quickly. Really, we were? I didn't seem like it. My baby bump is gone, we aren't approved for adoption yet and there are SO many LONG and UNPREDICTABLE steps between approval and holding our baby in our arms. But, you know what, she is right! Three months ago we lost our baby, and here we are 3 months later still putting one foot in front of the other-- and still on the journey. We haven't given up. We ARE making progress. Wow, did that one email turn all of my thoughts around. Thank you!!

And, it gets even better. She said she'd love to contribute to our "junk to blessing" garage sale, but she gave away her "junk" to another garage sale that was raising funds for a great cause last fall. So, instead she sent a check to our friend that is hosting the garage sale at her home. 100% thoughtful, but also 100% unexpected and unnecessary--which I told her. She told me that she wanted to contribute. Want. It's so great to have people that want to help. Again, we are blessed.

My day and thoughts completely turned around with one two paragraph email. We are making progress and we are not alone. We have people in our lives that really, truly care. And, they show it. Wow. We are so, so fortunate.