Wednesday, January 11, 2012


The Saturday before we found out that our baby was no longer living, my good friend Mandi (who owns Amanda Rae Photography) came to take belly photos of me.  It was such a special time for us, finally being pregnant and making it past the 12 week mark for the first time in two years.  I wanted photos along the way, and had a very large belly due to OHSS from the IVF medications, so my belly was showing early.  I thought it would be fun to surprise Jamie with photos on his birthday.  After we lost the baby I couldn't bring myself to print the photos.  One day they showed up in the mail thanks to Mandi.  She knew I wanted them, but just couldn't do it myself.  I didn't have to say a word to her, she just knew.

Soon after my D & C, a good friend who had experienced a similar loss herself sent me the book Naming the Child.  It's a helpful book about coping with the loss of a baby through miscarriage, still birth and in the first year (I CANNOT even imagine and don't want to!).  The book suggested that if you know your baby was not going to live to birth, to take photos of your belly, that may be one of the only memories you can physically keep.  What a blessing that Mandi came out before we knew the result of this pregnancy!  I assure you it would have been tough to take photos right after hearing the news.  (My doctor is a family friend and was able to schedule my D & C early the next morning. 

When Mandi came to take the photos, I remember being surprised that my belly seemed to be smaller than in the previous days.  I soon understood why. 

I love this one because it's so sweet and innocent, like he's saying a prayer over our baby.

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