Monday, January 9, 2012


Tomorrow is the anniversary of us finding out that our fourth baby was no longer alive....after two beautiful, normal ultrasounds and nearly 14 weeks of carrying him.  At dinner tonight I shed a few tears thinking that a year ago I was packing up the pink and blue cookies that some of my friends helped me bake so that I could announce our pregnancy at work.  I was living a lie, but I didn't know it.  I thought my baby was alive and growing in me, but he had passed away, maybe even a week before I knew it.

And, so I will remember this: the amazing support from my co-workers, family and dear friends.  They helped to show me that I am much stronger than I thought I was. 
And, that we have each other.  One foot in front of the other, that's how we got through those first few days.  The day after my D & C we took Griffin to the Children's Museum.  It was tough, but we made the best of a bad situation. 
We're still waiting, but thankfully we still have hope.

In the photo of the care basket from my co-workers is a calendar that's on my desk at home.  On Jan. 10 the blessing reads:

"A longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12.  Griffin fulfilled my longing to be a mother, and I am sure there will be a sweet baby that will fulfill my longing to be a mother again.