Remembering the Day

"The anniversary" hung over my head a bit, but it turned out to be as good of a day as it could (of course, a call from our agency could have put it over the top, but I'll settle with good!). 

I received encouraging support from friends, including some great quotes that I'll share later.  (As a side note, I don't EXPECT friends to remember this day, so if you are reading this and didn't say anything, please don't feel even a twinge of guilt!!)

A good friend stopped into my office at about the time we were in the ultrasound room last year. I told her it was hard to think back to what I was doing exactly a year before, but from there is was "up".  The amazing support we were blessed with from others kept us going, and still does.  We haven't given up the hope that our family will grow.  I remember how Jamie and I came together, the cards, thoughtful and loving gifts, calls, texts and prayers.  I know prayers help heal, we are proof. 

Late morning these showed up in my office, with a note that said, "Remembering ALL of our loved ones. Love and God bless, Jamie":

Thank God for my amazing husband that is full of support and surprises.

I picked up our miracle from daycare, had a nice dinner with him, and went to the library for a fun preschool event.  No feelings of sadness (even when I look back and think of all the families there with multiple children), just feelings of being blessed that I GET to pick up a child from daycare and bring him to fun kid events.

Remembering

The Saturday before we found out that our baby was no longer living, my good friend Mandi (who owns Amanda Rae Photography) came to take belly photos of me.  It was such a special time for us, finally being pregnant and making it past the 12 week mark for the first time in two years.  I wanted photos along the way, and had a very large belly due to OHSS from the IVF medications, so my belly was showing early.  I thought it would be fun to surprise Jamie with photos on his birthday.  After we lost the baby I couldn't bring myself to print the photos.  One day they showed up in the mail thanks to Mandi.  She knew I wanted them, but just couldn't do it myself.  I didn't have to say a word to her, she just knew.

Soon after my D & C, a good friend who had experienced a similar loss herself sent me the book Naming the Child.  It's a helpful book about coping with the loss of a baby through miscarriage, still birth and in the first year (I CANNOT even imagine and don't want to!).  The book suggested that if you know your baby was not going to live to birth, to take photos of your belly, that may be one of the only memories you can physically keep.  What a blessing that Mandi came out before we knew the result of this pregnancy!  I assure you it would have been tough to take photos right after hearing the news.  (My doctor is a family friend and was able to schedule my D & C early the next morning. 

When Mandi came to take the photos, I remember being surprised that my belly seemed to be smaller than in the previous days.  I soon understood why. 

I love this one because it's so sweet and innocent, like he's saying a prayer over our baby.