Thursday, July 28, 2011

A few thoughts from the past

I've been spending way too much time looking at family photos for our adoption profile.  I'm working on a website about our family and need to create 4 scrapbook pages about us for the infamous BOOK of waiting families.  As I was going through photos I found this:
A photo of the medications for my first round of IVF.  I know--holy crap, right?  The best part?  The Valium for the transfer. :)  I had never seen so many syringes in my life!  I never thought I'd be able to give myself a shot, but I did it!  And, I was blessed to have people help me with the tough ones in my back/butt--Jamie (he hated every minute), my mom (she watched videos online to prep), Wendy (she learned form my mom), Barb (not her favorite part of scrapbooking weekend, I am sure!) and Kari (my friend's mom that was a nurse--that was a SMOOTH shot).  When I first saw this photo today, I thought, "Thank goodness this part of my life is over (maybe)."  Then I remembered all of the feelings of hope I had when I opened this box...we didn't know why we couldn't get pregnant, but we were sure that IVF would bring us the family we so desperately wanted.  And, we were wrong.  And, that scares me.  I don't want to be wrong about adoption.  I don't want any more grief or loss...I just want another child to love and care for.  I keep telling myself to let go of my fears, this is a new chapter and that in the end I will know that we followed our hearts. 

FYI--I spared you the photo of my bruised belly.  The bruises weren't as bad as I expected then to be.  And, I noticed my belly was flatter back then.  What's up with that? 

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