As July approached and the days passed, in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the "would've beens". If I were still pregnant I would've been.... But, it's just that, it's the would've been, not the AM. On the day of my projected due date I was looking through some papers to find a card, and found photos that my good friend Mandi took of me when I was pregnant in January: 13 weeks, 5 days. My IVF cycle lead to Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), so my belly was already popping out. I loved it. Mandi came to visit and to take pictures of Griffin. Jamie was out of town, and we thought it would be cute to have some belly shots taken to surprise him with. Jamie and I had both waited for this pregnancy for a long time and fought hard to get it. Mandi took some great photos. Two days later I found out that our baby had died.
About two weeks later, a good friend sent me a book called Naming The Child, a wonderful book that was just what I needed at the time. I got to an interesting part of the book where the author suggested that if you knew you were going to miscarry or have a stillbirth, to have belly photos taken--it may be one of the only photos you have of your baby. I felt comforted knowing that Mandi gave me an incredible gift by taking those photos. A few weeks later, she sent me copies. She knew I wanted them, but I couldn't get myself to order them. Again, an amazing gift. So, on my due date, I ran across them and paused to think about our little boy that didn't make it, and the hope we still have for growing our family.
January 8, 2011