I have a friend at the gym that gets ready post workout when I do. Her daughter is anticipating the arrival of her baby any day. When she told me that her daughter was pregnant, I was, too. We were about a week apart, but our baby didn't survive. Today we were talking about her daughter, how she returned the "1st Christmas" outfits that would be much too small since she didn't have her baby before Christmas, how she was trying to walk a lot to get things "moving" and her favorite baby names. It made me wish I could buy a baby's 1st Christmas outfit, but I wouldn't know what size to get. Then I reminded myself that I am not really into baby's 1st Christmas outfits, at least not the kind that are probably 50% off right now! ;)
I'm almost there....to the date of the last "should have been due date" and to the date of the anniversary of finding out that baby #4 died somewhere between our 11.5 week ultrasound and 14 weeks. It seems so far away, but just like yesterday. The thought of being pregnant seems so distant, the pain of the loss seems so fresh. I can remember what happened in the ultrasound room that day with a scary vividness. January 11th will bring a clean slate. Almost there, to the clean slate.