Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Things I Worry About

This process has involved a whole lot of worry on my part.  Which is not even remotely surprising since I am a super good worrier (not to brag or anything).

Here are the things I USED to worry about, but have (pretty much) gotten over:
  • Money: How will we EVER afford fertility treatments, IVF, adoption, unpaid maternity leave, etc.  It all seems to work out some how.  (Yes, Jamie, I know I should have listened to you a long time ago about this one.)  We've gotten good at saving money and have been truly blessed with support in many ways.
  • Being a good mom: Maybe God isn't giving me more children because I am not a good enough mom.  I sometimes yell, let Griffin watch "too much" TV, can be too "soft" and allow him to eat candy before breakfast (not regularly, don't worry).  But, I am a good mom. 
  • I am being punished: For what I don't know.  Maybe I'm really being saved from something?  And, maybe we will be very blessed (which is what I am hoping for).
  • I'll never have a healthy pregnancy again: I might, I might not, but either way I will be OK.  The real bummer is that I LOVE being pregnant (OK, less and less with my more recent pregnancies because I was scared of losing our babies) and I have a super fun stash of maternity clothes. 
  • What will people think if they know we did the treatments?  I'm very open about this now and we've received a great amount of unsolicited support, we're very fortunate. 

Here are the things I still worry about:
  • What if we never get picked? 
    • What if someone doesn't want to pick us because we have a biological child and thinks that we will love him more than our adopted child (I assure you we will love them the same!!)?
    • What if we don't get picked because I work?  I fear that birthmothers will want a mother that stays home.  
    • I could go on and on about weird reasons I come up with, but will stop here!  Maybe in my next post I should focus on all the reasons I think we SHOULD get picked?  Wow, that sounds "braggy" and boring.  
  • What if we have a disruption (get matched/placed with a baby and the birth mother/parents have a change of heart).  Gasp. 
  • Griffin's little heart getting broken again. 
  • Being a nervous wreck during match meetings and crying a lot.  OK, that's probably all likely. 
  • What if I get pregnant again and the adoption has to be put on hold?  I know, ironic?! 
The things I have never really worried about:
  • Our adopted child being accepted as our child by our friends and family.  We have super family and friends that couldn't be any more supportive than they already are.  Thank God! 
  • Loving our adopted child.  I ALREADY love that sweet little baby and have no idea if he/she has even been conceived yet! 
  • Having enough cute clothing for our baby.  I'm fully committed to shop as long as it takes to make sure that kiddo is dressed in style!  Kidding!  (Kinda.)

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