Sunday, April 24, 2011

Softies, Grief and Loss

One of the speakers at our adoption training was a woman that has first hand dealt with both infertility and adoption. She was an excellent speaker, I could have listened to her all day. She and her husband have had 10 miscarriages (YES, TEN!). I can't even bear the thought of it. She talked about the importance of working through the grief and loss you experience with infertility, and giving up the biological "dream" of carrying a child and having the symbolic connection that comes with a biological child. The training included 32 adoptive families, and I am SURE that we were the two biggest softies in the room! I was sniffling during most of her talk--hearing about her heartbreak was close to home and hearing about the joy of her adoptions gave me so much hope. One thing that really touched me was when she talked about the mother's day that her husband left flowers for her on the table with a card that read, "We know you'd make a great mother! Love, Dan the Gang" (signing it on behalf of himself and the 5 babies they had lost at the time).

She spoke about the grief and loss that her children experience because they are adopted. No matter how great their life is, they feel the loss of their biological family. It gave me a twinge of pain to hear a mom you want your kids to have as easy of a life as possible. Knowing that our adopted children will have pain down the road due to the adoption is hard. But, I know that being a member of our family is in their best interest.

She also mentioned that because of the grief and loss we have experienced due to infertility, we will be better equip to help our children cope with their grief and loss. I sure hope so.

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