Thursday, December 15, 2011
Waiting and waiting and waiting
Today it feels like we've waited an eternity to grow our family. I sat back and reminded myself that we've only been trying to have another baby for two years. Wait, that's wrong. We've been trying to have a baby for three years. This week Jamie got back from a work conference that he attends every three years, the last time I was with him. It was shortly after our first miscarriage and I remember thinking that I'd get pregnant shortly after and have another baby. Clearly, I was wrong. Sometimes I feel just plain ol' stupid for keeping up the hope. But, I try to tell myself this is a new journey, when we applied for adoption we started over. So, our wait has really only been about 6 weeks. Six weeks of having our profile in the book. If it's only been 6 weeks, why does it feel so long?
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There are so many 'waiting' portions of the adoption process. Like waiting for your background checks to come back, waiting for your homestudy to get done, waiting to get into the book, waiting to get chosen, waiting for baby to be born, Waiting to leave the hospital (probably the most difficult day if you know your child's birth family) waiting for legal risk, waiting for court, waiting for visits, waiting to do your taxes, waiting for contact from birth parents, waiting for them to show up, waiting for them to visit again, waiting for your child's first questions about adoption, waiting for hearts to be healed, it never really ends. I really can't tell you which one is the hardest either. They all have their positives and negatives. I would like to say that I have become a good waiter. ha! Probably never. Hang in there....
ReplyDeleteDid I forget to mention that I did that three times? haha! I have resounded to think about not waiting anymore. That if we are meant to have more children, they will come to us. I feel so much freer. Adoption is not for the weak...and if you feel weak, that's what support is for! :0) Always a way to get through it!
ReplyDeleteHeather, I can't possibly imagine or pretend to know how you are feeling, as our journeys are not the same. Know that many people are thinking about you and your family and that we are praying for you all of the time. I hate the wait...I really do. As we move forward and I struggle, I stop and think about how much I have grown through this journey. With each challenge and bump in the road, we've become stronger, better people. My heart goes out to you, Jamie and Griffin. I cry with you every time you write, and then I go search for some uplifting words. Today, I found this:
ReplyDeleteYou can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world. ~Sheila Graham
You are that person. You have love, passion and drive.
Then, I found this:
To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a great ease to a man's heart. ~Francesco Guicciardini
Keep your faith and keep on sharing. We're all here for you.
Oh Shanna, you are so amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you! The two quotes are so perfect for me now....thank you for taking the time to seek them out and share them. Thanks for making me think about the good this journey has brought us. It's great knowing we have someone like you rooting for us!
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