I struggle with this one a lot. We've been open about our infertility for quite some time now...I think about a year publicly? Maybe two? It's all a blur. I'm not afraid to talk about it, but when I do, sometimes I feel like I open my mouth and don't stop. I'm jsut that way, I'm an open book. Want to know something about me? Just ask. I wonder....does it make people uncomfortable to hear our story? Do people think I am weird? Do they feel pity? Are they tired of hearing about it? Should I have been more vague? Are they judging me for what we've been through and the decisions we've made? I don't want to be weird--well, not TOO weird, a little weird is just fine. I want people to like me, not pity me. I want to quit beating myself up over if I am saying too much. But, what I am going to do, take a poll after I talk to someone about it?
I WANT to raise awareness about the topic. It's real. It's serious. It's really, seriously painful. It feels lonely, scary, disappointing and helpless. I WANT to help others. I'd do anything to make others feel like they have someone to talk to, that there is HOPE.
What has talking about it done? I've been connected to women I would have never known (some I haven't even met in person), that needed an ear or wanted advice or real first-hand information on procedures, drugs, loss. It's brought really amazing people into my life. It's shown me that people care.
I HOPE that my openness has brought awareness to others. Helped people to be more sensitive. I hope that people think we're a nice couple making the best of a bad situation. But, sometimes my insecurities take over and I wonder and worry about what people think of our openness, about our decisions, about us.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that infertility is a life changing medical issue. It's uncomfortable for some to hear about, but if I don't make and effort to talk about it and bring awareness, then I'm hiding from it. It shouldn't be uncomfortable, and I hope that by sharing our story, it will put faces and names to infertility and miscarriages....making it less taboo to talk about and getting those that suffer from it the support they need. So, I guess there I have it. I'll keep talking and hope people will keep listening. And, will only think I am a little weird.