I was teaching Sunday School the other morning (you guessed it, Sunday morning) and someone asked me about how the adoption process was going. Then she commented that I'd probably be one of those people that adopted and got pregnant. (Note: Remember, we were in the process of completing our adoption paperwork and got pregnant. Then, we lost the baby.) I commented, "Yeah, that would be great, but I don't even know that we'll make that an option again." She looked confused. I responded, "You have to make getting pregnant a possibility first, after 4 losses, we aren't sure we are willing to do that again." Then she went on, "Oh, you just never know, I bet it will happen."
Honestly, I feel like at this point, if we wanted to get pregnant, we could make it happen. It may be costly (mentally, physically and financially), but it could happen. For Pete's sake, it's happened 5 times!
The scary part is STAYING pregnant. We don't know enough about our losses to pinpoint and prevent a future loss. I understand that sometimes you have to take risks to get the reward, but look at our history. It was hard to get pregnant. We did, and were blessed with Griffin. Followed by difficulty getting pregnant, $30,000 in medical expenses to achieve pregnancy, and 4 miscarriages, back to back. 4. What would you do? See what I mean? It feels safer not to go there. I want babies to live. Live. Have a chance at life.
I'll hear more comments like this one. And, I'll respond the same way. Somehow I want to try to get people to understand. And, it's hard. I wouldn't have understood 3 years ago. But, unfortunately, I understand today.