Wednesday, September 28, 2011
#2!
I just logged into my personal email account and found a very happy message from LSS--we've moved up to #2 to get in the profile book. Ya-hoo! Bring on the caffeine, I may be inspired to pull an all nighter to finish up our profile! To those of you that offered to proof it--get ready! :)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Family Photos--Update
We've had a whirlwind of a week....Jamie and I took an amazing trip to California to see one of my dearest friends get married. We had a great time meeting new people, catching up with old friends and just being "ourselves" for a few days...ya know, the people we are when there isn't an ounce of stress in life! The wedding was absolutely incredible--words can't describe it--I'll post some photos later.
I got home to a great present...these fabulous photos from Judd Sather. (See my previous post about family photos here.) He did a great job capturing Griffin's personality, the affection between me and JT and "us". The three of us as we wait to adopt.
I got home to a great present...these fabulous photos from Judd Sather. (See my previous post about family photos here.) He did a great job capturing Griffin's personality, the affection between me and JT and "us". The three of us as we wait to adopt.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Family Photos
I know someone that had family photos taken, and a few days later one of the family members was killed. Those photos are cherished now, and send a reminder to me to capture moments in time whenever I can. (Yep, that's why I have a camera glued to my face!)
However, there was a time that taking family photos was hard for me. I remember my good friend and photographer Mandi from amanda rae photography (by the way look at the cutie on the far left of her website) came to take our photos. She got done and I bawled. Bawled because there were 3 of us in the photo and there should have been 4. And, I don't mean "should have been" like I wish there would have been, I mean "should have been" as in we had a miscarriage and the baby that would have been born wasn't there. I felt like someone was missing.
I can look back at family photos and tag them with something...."that one was taken the day before I found out I was pregnant, only to miscarry 3 weeks later"....."that one was taken just as we started IVF....the IVF that ended in an early miscarriage".
Yesterday we visited an old friend and checked out his new, amazing photography studio. He took our photos. The three of us. And, he took some of Jamie and me. Just the two of us, stronger than before. The photos Judd took will be our "those were taken as we waited for our adoption" photos. And, for the first time in a long time, they won't be photos of what was missing, but what will be. They aren't photos of me feeling empty, with no life growing in me. They will be photos of us, a family, a team, the three of us that have so much to look forward to.
After we got done with photos, Jamie, Griffin and Judd were singing and playing the guitar (yes, Judd has the loft set up for a band!) and another photographer walked in. His sister and brother-in-law followed. She had a big swollen belly, I figured she was coming in for maternity photos.
You know what? I wasn't jealous. I didn't think about how she "wrecked" my day. I didn't even think, "She's so lucky, I hope she realizes it". I thought she was coming in to take photos of her belly, that's it. I sat there in my dress and heels and reflected on that....I was happy where I am. I feel healthy and fit again. I don't feel empty. My empty feelings have changed to a fullness of hope.....full of a growing baby that isn't growing physically in me, but is mentally. I don't understand why we've been brought on this road, but it's our road and we're making the absolute best of it.
By the way, the woman was coming in to have her 1 week old baby's photos taken. He was adorable. We talked about babies. We told her we applied for adoption. It's so fun to share our news....kinda like being pregnant, but different. It's like opening up that we've struggled, but we aren't giving up.
And, someday, I'll be the woman with the one week old baby getting his/her photos taken. I have a feeling I'll be crying the whole time, crying happy tears.
However, there was a time that taking family photos was hard for me. I remember my good friend and photographer Mandi from amanda rae photography (by the way look at the cutie on the far left of her website) came to take our photos. She got done and I bawled. Bawled because there were 3 of us in the photo and there should have been 4. And, I don't mean "should have been" like I wish there would have been, I mean "should have been" as in we had a miscarriage and the baby that would have been born wasn't there. I felt like someone was missing.
I can look back at family photos and tag them with something...."that one was taken the day before I found out I was pregnant, only to miscarry 3 weeks later"....."that one was taken just as we started IVF....the IVF that ended in an early miscarriage".
Yesterday we visited an old friend and checked out his new, amazing photography studio. He took our photos. The three of us. And, he took some of Jamie and me. Just the two of us, stronger than before. The photos Judd took will be our "those were taken as we waited for our adoption" photos. And, for the first time in a long time, they won't be photos of what was missing, but what will be. They aren't photos of me feeling empty, with no life growing in me. They will be photos of us, a family, a team, the three of us that have so much to look forward to.
After we got done with photos, Jamie, Griffin and Judd were singing and playing the guitar (yes, Judd has the loft set up for a band!) and another photographer walked in. His sister and brother-in-law followed. She had a big swollen belly, I figured she was coming in for maternity photos.
You know what? I wasn't jealous. I didn't think about how she "wrecked" my day. I didn't even think, "She's so lucky, I hope she realizes it". I thought she was coming in to take photos of her belly, that's it. I sat there in my dress and heels and reflected on that....I was happy where I am. I feel healthy and fit again. I don't feel empty. My empty feelings have changed to a fullness of hope.....full of a growing baby that isn't growing physically in me, but is mentally. I don't understand why we've been brought on this road, but it's our road and we're making the absolute best of it.
By the way, the woman was coming in to have her 1 week old baby's photos taken. He was adorable. We talked about babies. We told her we applied for adoption. It's so fun to share our news....kinda like being pregnant, but different. It's like opening up that we've struggled, but we aren't giving up.
And, someday, I'll be the woman with the one week old baby getting his/her photos taken. I have a feeling I'll be crying the whole time, crying happy tears.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
That's sounds great, but really?
I was teaching Sunday School the other morning (you guessed it, Sunday morning) and someone asked me about how the adoption process was going. Then she commented that I'd probably be one of those people that adopted and got pregnant. (Note: Remember, we were in the process of completing our adoption paperwork and got pregnant. Then, we lost the baby.) I commented, "Yeah, that would be great, but I don't even know that we'll make that an option again." She looked confused. I responded, "You have to make getting pregnant a possibility first, after 4 losses, we aren't sure we are willing to do that again." Then she went on, "Oh, you just never know, I bet it will happen."
Really, people?
Honestly, I feel like at this point, if we wanted to get pregnant, we could make it happen. It may be costly (mentally, physically and financially), but it could happen. For Pete's sake, it's happened 5 times!
The scary part is STAYING pregnant. We don't know enough about our losses to pinpoint and prevent a future loss. I understand that sometimes you have to take risks to get the reward, but look at our history. It was hard to get pregnant. We did, and were blessed with Griffin. Followed by difficulty getting pregnant, $30,000 in medical expenses to achieve pregnancy, and 4 miscarriages, back to back. 4. What would you do? See what I mean? It feels safer not to go there. I want babies to live. Live. Have a chance at life.
I'll hear more comments like this one. And, I'll respond the same way. Somehow I want to try to get people to understand. And, it's hard. I wouldn't have understood 3 years ago. But, unfortunately, I understand today.
Really, people?
Honestly, I feel like at this point, if we wanted to get pregnant, we could make it happen. It may be costly (mentally, physically and financially), but it could happen. For Pete's sake, it's happened 5 times!
The scary part is STAYING pregnant. We don't know enough about our losses to pinpoint and prevent a future loss. I understand that sometimes you have to take risks to get the reward, but look at our history. It was hard to get pregnant. We did, and were blessed with Griffin. Followed by difficulty getting pregnant, $30,000 in medical expenses to achieve pregnancy, and 4 miscarriages, back to back. 4. What would you do? See what I mean? It feels safer not to go there. I want babies to live. Live. Have a chance at life.
I'll hear more comments like this one. And, I'll respond the same way. Somehow I want to try to get people to understand. And, it's hard. I wouldn't have understood 3 years ago. But, unfortunately, I understand today.
Follow Up to My Facebook Rant
The other day I was ranting about Facebook and this little game about posting X weeks and what you are craving, even though you aren't pregnant. In my world, pregnancy is not something to laugh about. Not even a little. My sister-in-law put the BEST post on her FB wall and I just had to share it here. (I hope that's OK, Jesi!)
The link she posted:
The link she posted:
feelyourboobies.com Jesi's comments: I think breast cancer awareness posts are great. It never hurts to get the word out there. I didn't post the purse game...mostly because I didn't think my grandpa or mother-in-law would appreciate the humor ;) And I didn't post the pregnancy one because, knowing my history, the second I wrote that I'm sure I'd actually be preggers! But mostly because I thought of someone I love that would do anything to be able to post that on her wall ♥ So...here is my breast cancer awareness post.
How great is that!?!?!
Then she posted a link to this blog. http://www.hannahweptsarahlaughed.com/2011/09/im-0-weeks-and-craving-a-baby/ Wow. I kinda wish I had the guts to post on FB that, "I'm 0 weeks and craving a baby." But, I'm too afraid I'll sound like some weepy-poor-me infertile woman that can't let go of our unfortunate circumstances. Someday I'll get some more guts. In the mean time, I'll let my sister-in-law stick up for us infertiles!
How great is that!?!?!
Then she posted a link to this blog. http://www.hannahweptsarahlaughed.com/2011/09/im-0-weeks-and-craving-a-baby/ Wow. I kinda wish I had the guts to post on FB that, "I'm 0 weeks and craving a baby." But, I'm too afraid I'll sound like some weepy-poor-me infertile woman that can't let go of our unfortunate circumstances. Someday I'll get some more guts. In the mean time, I'll let my sister-in-law stick up for us infertiles!
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