Sunday, October 9, 2011
How being a bridesmaid helped my struggle with infertility.
Ann and Jordi's wedding plans were underway, and it was a joy to be part of it, something bigger than ourselves--to see their love for each other and their excitement to continue their life together as husband and wife was truly inspirational. It was so refreshing to see dreams come true. I'm a believer in happily ever after, and even though it felt like our happily ever after was on hold, it was SO good to see it come alive for one of my dearest friends.
I bought a dress for the wedding in February, about a month after we had our 3rd miscarriage (all of the bridesmaids could pick out our own dresses in any shade of purple--I LOVED that!). It was kinda tight. I gained 10 pounds during our IVF process and the miscarriages that followed, so I figured I'd soon lose the weight.
We went to a fun family shower for Ann and Jordi. A little over a month before the shower I found out I was just over 5 weeks pregnant. I planned to tell Ann when we were trying on our dresses that I'd be getting a maternity dress instead. But, I miscarried shortly before the shower. I tried on the dress I bought in February that I now planned to wear again....it was still tight.
Ann and Jordi made a wedding website. Ann wrote about each of her bridesmaids, I read her description of everyone and read mine last. I cried happy tears, her words were so sweet, I couldn't believe the person she was writing about was me! She put so much heart into writing about each of her family members and friends, and I know it wasn't just for her, it was for us. Ann reminded me of who I truly was, not the infertile, washed up failure I felt like.
We had a bachelorette party. We hung out just like good old times. I felt like myself. For those of you that don't know, I'm kinda an entertainer at heart.
But, the dress was still tight. By example, Ann and her sister, Kris, inspired me to take better care of myself. 5 weeks later, I tried on my dress thinking it would fit perfectly and it was too big. After a slight freak out session, I called a friend and co-worker who saved the day and took in my dress. I did it, the one last thing that seemed unconquerable after our struggles was the weight. And now the IVF weight was finally gone.
The wedding came and I felt great. I had energy, fit in my dress and best of all, I was able to see my dear friend, Ann, have her dream come true. She married her true love. She held on to the happily ever after, and got it.
Ann and Jordi put an amazing amount of thought into their wedding, and the events surrounding it. They made all of their guests feel welcome, appreciated and special. We soaked it up.
I put on my dress the day of the wedding and momentarily thought about how I was expecting to be a little over 5 months pregnant at their wedding. And, I told myself I was OK, and I truly meant it.
I listened to the vows that Ann and Jordi wrote and tears filled my eyes. I felt so blessed to be able to stand up for them and support them in their commitment. And, I felt so blessed to see my husband looking over at me during the wedding...I know he was thinking just what I was--that Ann and Jordi have an amazing love for each other just like we do.