A few thoughts from the past

I've been spending way too much time looking at family photos for our adoption profile.  I'm working on a website about our family and need to create 4 scrapbook pages about us for the infamous BOOK of waiting families.  As I was going through photos I found this:

A photo of the medications for my first round of IVF.  I know--holy crap, right?  The best part?  The Valium for the transfer. :)  I had never seen so many syringes in my life!  I never thought I'd be able to give myself a shot, but I did it!  And, I was blessed to have people help me with the tough ones in my back/butt--Jamie (he hated every minute), my mom (she watched videos online to prep), Wendy (she learned form my mom), Barb (not her favorite part of scrapbooking weekend, I am sure!) and Kari (my friend's mom that was a nurse--that was a SMOOTH shot).  When I first saw this photo today, I thought, "Thank goodness this part of my life is over (maybe)."  Then I remembered all of the feelings of hope I had when I opened this box...we didn't know why we couldn't get pregnant, but we were sure that IVF would bring us the family we so desperately wanted.  And, we were wrong.  And, that scares me.  I don't want to be wrong about adoption.  I don't want any more grief or loss...I just want another child to love and care for.  I keep telling myself to let go of my fears, this is a new chapter and that in the end I will know that we followed our hearts. 

FYI--I spared you the photo of my bruised belly.  The bruises weren't as bad as I expected then to be.  And, I noticed my belly was flatter back then.  What's up with that? 

Please keep your adoption horror stories to yourself, people!

Today we went out to lunch, Jamie ran into someone he knew and we started visiting.  During the conversation he asked if we "just" had one kid.  (I can't tell you how much I hate that question!  He's not JUST one kid, he's our miracle.)  Anyway, our typical response was, "Yes."  Our new response is, "Yes, but we've recently been approved to adopt through Lutheran Social Service's domestic infant adoption program."  We got a nice response, "Oh, my nephews have each adopted domestically and it's been great for them."  (I like those comments.)  Then his tone switched, "It was quite a nightmare at first, one of them was placed with a little girl and her birth mother took her back after nearly 60 days."  Thanks, but no thanks, don't want to hear it.  I remember a friend of mine that adopted told me that the adoption horror stories would begin as soon as we started telling people we were adopting.  For the most part we've gotten great response and positive stories, but we've gotten quite a few doozers, too.  We KNOW the risk, we've read the stories and statistics, but we don't have much of a choice if we want to grow our family.  It's not like we've chosen this path without a lot of research and prayer.  We're certain that the risk will be worth the many, many rewards of growing our family.  And, don't call my kid a "just"! Thanks for letting me rant.... :)

Our anniversary--a celebration of 8 years

We decided to splurge this year and go on a mini anniversary trip. I am SO glad we did! It's hard to make a decision like that when we are trying to save for our adoption, but we know focusing on our marriage is important, too.  Especially with the year we've hard.  We had a great time--although we were only gone 2 nights, we were so relaxed it seemed like much longer--as a good vacation should!!

Dipping our feet in Red Wing....

 
About to head out for dinner (this photo was taken at The St. James Hotel) 

Enjoying some great beverages and lunch at Nelson Creameries.  YUM! 

Great lunch at Nelson Creameries!

A nice scenic overlook in Wisconsin called Buena Vista Park.

Our anniversary dinner was at A to Z Pizza Farm.  Fun and delicious!  Every Tuesday this farm serves fresh wood fire pizzas.  You get a pizza and need to bring everything else yourself!

My side had roasted beets, onions and goat cheese.  YUM.  Like our fancy plates and wine glasses?

Our dinner dates.  A group next to us had an accordion and were playing awesome modern music--it was so fun!

Ambiance.

It's not hard to figure out why we want "more"....

The other night Jamie got Griffin ready for bed.  I went in to give him a kiss goodnight and Griffin said to me, "Mom, you make my heart happy."  {Mom's heart melted.}  I told him that he made my heart happy, too.  Then he said, "My heart is tickling my insides because you make me happy."  What a sweet, sweet boy.  The struggle to have a bigger family will certainly be worth it! 

3 Kids

Sometimes I have moments with Griffin that are hard for me, but let me know that we are doing the right thing for our family.  Here's one of them:

Griffin: Mom, You know Jared?
Me: Yep.
Griffin: And Barb?
Me: Yep.
Griffin: They have 3 kids. Why can't we have 3 kids.  I want 3 kids like they do.
Me: Yep, buddy, I know.  We're working on it, hopefully we'll have more kids in our family someday, too!