And, Then it's Over

On Sunday Jamie came home from his weekend away.  We talked about how blessed we were to get so much support and how therapeutic it was to share our story.  We truly hope that it helped or inspired someone (and based on the many responses we saw, I think it did).

But, there is a part that is hard.  See, we know we are "closer" to bringing our baby home, but we're still not there.  The segment aired and although things changed, they stayed the same.  A baby didn't show up on our doorstep, and isn't going to.  It's still going to be a hard road ahead.  We have to match.  We have to wait for our baby to be born.  We have to hope that the baby's biological parents don't change their mind.  It's going to be hard, worth it, but hard.

I felt like this was the end of our story being shared.  I considered asking some friends if they'd be willing to share our story on their Facebook pages, but I hate to be obnoxious and keep asking people to "market" us.  What's happened over the last few days shocked me!

I didn't need to ask people to share our page.  They did, many, many people did without me asking.  People I hadn't seen since high school and college.  People I barely knew but was friends with on Facebook.  People I didn't know at all! One one friend's page I saw that it was shared 8 times from her post, I clicked to see who shared it and I didn't know them.

Here were a few of the many posts that accompanied the link to our story:

Hey FB world! This is a story of love and hope for a dear friend of mine from Willmar/Spicer MN. It is my prayer that God can bless the channels of social media and help them in sharing the hearts and home with a baby in need of a Christian home. Please pray for the Heather Wolney Thompson family for us as well!


I can't help but share this story of one of my dearest friends. Heather Wolney Thompson and Jamie have a dream of growing their family but have been faced with many challenges along the way. Their story has been a hard one. A sad one. But also - Inspiring. They continue to have such an amazing attitude and hope, even through the devastating times. Their story and the reaction they are getting from friends, acquaintances and complete strangers is a reminder of all the good there is in this world. Something we too often lose sight of. Heather and Jamie, thanks for sharing your story... You are offering support and encouragement to so many others that are facing the same hardships.


Heather and I attended High School in MN together. Please take a moment and watch this video (especially if you have or love kids or starting a family). So touching. They also have a Facebook page "like" and share this. Support brings you a long way. Love you Heather! Good luck to you and your beautiful family.


Show your Mud Butt (posted on the Mud Butt Cloth Diaper Facebook page) support for an awesome fan, friend, and fellow adoptive family! Check out their awesome story that aired last Friday night. Let's spread the word! They are a great family:)


A wonderful couple who truly are as good as they sound. Please share their story.

I checked our adoption Facebook page just now and we have 470 likes.  I realize not everyone is going to go ahead and like a total stranger's Facebook page, so I think 470 is terrific!  Totally amazing.  

Talk about timing!

Wow....look at what I got in the mail today!  You know that fabuloso wedding I got to be in last September?  I got a wonderful gift from the bride and groom today, my good friends Ann and Jordi!  Check it out, a black frame!  So, I headed upstairs and hung it right up on our family photo wall.  We call our friends family around these parts! 

How perfect is that!?

Annie wrote the sweetest write up about me and our relationship on their wedding website, she printed that and included it behind the photo, incredibly thoughtful and so special! 

See, the photo wall is already expanding!  (Yes, I realize how many frames are crooked right now, I'll work on that...someday!)

 

I'm savin' up for a little baby!

The other day I was shopping with a great friend and she said, "Did you see this!?" and showed me the cutest little "piggy" bank.  It's PERFECT for us!  The other day at work it showed up on my desk, it gave me a good chuckle.  I went to move it and it had change in it.  I went into her office to tell her thank you (it truly made my day) and she told me the story behind the money inside the bank.

Her 5 year-old daughter saw the bank and asked her what it was for.  She explained that Jamie and I were adopting a baby and that adopting costs lots of money.  Her daughter left the room and came back with her piggy bank.  She told her mom that she didn't have any dollars, but she did have lots of quarters.  So, our new "baby bank" is the recipient of her quarters.  Isn't that the sweetest thing?  It completely warmed my heart.  The next time I saw my friend's daughter I gave her a big hug.  I can't wait for the day she can help me feed our new little baby.  What a sweet, thoughtful, generous girl!



 Hilarious.....

Making Plans

One of the things I've wanted to explore before having another baby is cloth diapers.  I've spoken with my friends that use them and they seem to love them, but I don't know much about them other than there have liners, cute covers and you do more laundry!  A new friend and adoptive parent recommended Mud Butt Cloth Diapers to me.  I was excited to see that the company was in our neighboring town and the owner has adopted two children through LSS!  I sent her an email explaining that we are on the LSS waiting list and she told me that she would be happy to get together so she can show me how they work, and to let me see them firsthand.  We set up a time to meet next week.

I started thinking that I was getting the cart before the horse.  We don't even have a match yet--not even anyone looking at our profile.  It's only been 4 weeks, I didn't expect a whirlwind adoption once we entered the book (although that would have been fun!).  So then the negative talk came in.  "What am I doing?  We aren't even matched.  We might not ever be chosen.  I shouldn't be looking at diapers and assuming that we'll get to have another child."  And, well, is just gets ugly from there.  It's true, we might not get chosen.  At some point we might have to decide that we are done trying and it's over.  The thought of it makes me so sad.

I worked out with a good friend one morning this week and mentioned my struggle to her.  She encouraged me to act as I would as an expecting mother.  It was good advice for me.  I don't know how long this "pregnancy" will be, but I have to keep my hope alive.  I feel like most of the time I speak positively about the adoption process, I use "when" instead of "if" frequently, but some days it's hard. 

I need to look at it this way--if we never get to have more children, I will be devastated regardless of if I enjoy this waiting period or dread it.  So, I might as well enjoy my time.  I can live my life anticipating disappointment, or I can live it anticipating joy.  I need to choose anticipating joy. It's a whole lot more fun to imagine holding a baby in our arms than it is to imagine having to let go of our dream.

So, right now I'll play the role of an expecting mother and learn more about cloth diapers next week.  It's hard to stay positive, thank goodness for the encouragement of good friends and family.

Meet Hope

After I miscarried last January, I met a dear friend for lunch.  She had two gifts, one for me and one for Jamie.  Below is a photo of my gift, we named her Hope.  It's amazing how much comfort a sweet, snugly, silky stuffed animal blanket can provide.  We're 35 and 39 and she sleeps in our bed every night.  And, it doesn't even seem weird to me.  It's a constant reminder that we have friends and family rooting for us, and that they have hope, too.  Hopefully someday Hope with get lots of love from the next addition to our family.

The other day Griffin was napping in our bed.  I found him like this.  He has hope, too.

Thank God for our dear friends that give us hope, even when we've felt we lost it!

How being a bridesmaid helped my struggle with infertility.

In the summer of 2010, Jamie and I left the Center for Reproductive Medicine after signing a contract for the Attain IVF plan and writing our a big, fat check.  I headed to a nice rooftop bar to have a drink with my good (and beautiful) friend, Ann.  She showed me her incredible, gorgeous engagement ring and shared wedding plans and ideas with me (after, of course, listening to me recount every detail of our meeting at the IVF clinic).  We were drinking delicious mojitos, but that's beside the point.  I knew Ann and Jordi were planning a small wedding, so I was very pleasantly shocked and honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid in the wedding.  At the time they were planning to be married in Spain, so I sent Jamie a text telling him we were jetting off to Spain next summer/fall....he assured me that we'd make it work!  I had visions of me attending their wedding with baby in tote, or at the very least, a big baby belly.

I think you all know how that turned out.  Our year was tough, painful and full of loss and disappointment.  After a year of doing everything we could to grow our family and failing miserably, I hardly felt like myself.  I felt defeated and washed up. 

Ann and Jordi's wedding plans were underway, and it was a joy to be part of it, something bigger than ourselves--to see their love for each other and their excitement to continue their life together as husband and wife was truly inspirational.  It was so refreshing to see dreams come true.  I'm a believer in happily ever after, and even though it felt like our happily ever after was on hold, it was SO good to see it come alive for one of my dearest friends.

I bought a dress for the wedding in February, about a month after we had our 3rd miscarriage (all of the bridesmaids could pick out our own dresses in any shade of purple--I LOVED that!).  It was kinda tight.  I gained 10 pounds during our IVF process and the miscarriages that followed, so I figured I'd soon lose the weight.   

We went to a fun family shower for Ann and Jordi.  A little over a month before the shower I found out I was just over 5 weeks pregnant.  I planned to tell Ann when we were trying on our dresses that I'd be getting a maternity dress instead.  But, I miscarried shortly before the shower.  I tried on the dress I bought in February that I now planned to wear again....it was still tight. 

Ann and Jordi made a wedding website.  Ann wrote about each of her bridesmaids, I read her description of everyone and read mine last.  I cried happy tears, her words were so sweet, I couldn't believe the person she was writing about was me!  She put so much heart into writing about each of her family members and friends, and I know it wasn't just for her, it was for us.  Ann reminded me of who I truly was, not the infertile, washed up failure I felt like.

We had a bachelorette party.  We hung out just like good old times.  I felt like myself.  For those of you that don't know, I'm kinda an entertainer at heart.

But, the dress was still tight.  By example, Ann and her sister, Kris, inspired me to take better care of myself.  5 weeks later, I tried on my dress thinking it would fit perfectly and it was too big.  After a slight freak out session, I called a friend and co-worker who saved the day and took in my dress.  I did it, the one last thing that seemed unconquerable after our struggles was the weight.  And now the IVF weight was finally gone.

The wedding came and I felt great.  I had energy, fit in my dress and best of all, I was able to see my dear friend, Ann, have her dream come true.  She married her true love.  She held on to the happily ever after, and got it.

Ann and Jordi put an amazing amount of thought into their wedding, and the events surrounding it.  They made all of their guests feel welcome, appreciated and special.  We soaked it up.

I put on my dress the day of the wedding and momentarily thought about how I was expecting to be a little over 5 months pregnant at their wedding.  And, I told myself I was OK, and I truly meant it.

 When I was handed my cute little tin that represented fertility for Ann and Jordi, I said extra prayers. 

I listened to the vows that Ann and Jordi wrote and tears filled my eyes.  I felt so blessed to be able to stand up for them and support them in their commitment.  And, I felt so blessed to see my husband looking over at me during the wedding...I know he was thinking just what I was--that Ann and Jordi have an amazing love for each other just like we do.

Jamie and I had an amazing trip, we met so many wonderful people--family and friends of Ann and Jordi--were able to "recharge our batteries" and revisit the good we have in life.  It's so good to feel like me again.

Thank you, Ann and Jordi!

Prepping for a Visit!

We were so excited to have our good friends and their 11 month-old baby come for a visit this weekend (they live SIX hours away)!  We always have a great time with them, and couldn't wait to see how much their little girl had grown.  The night before we grabbed a few baby items from our basement and had the best time getting them ready for our cute little visitor.  (Griffin thoroughly enjoyed the exersaucer!)  It was so fun to have a baby in our home again! 

All three of us were having so much fun cleaning the toys and high chair.  I looked over at Jamie and commented that I didn't expect it to be so much fun.  It wasn't a chore at all, and wasn't one bit depressing- despite the fact that I thought we would need some of these things for our own baby by now.  Maybe it's because I am so happy that my friend gets to be a mom?  Maybe I have been blessed with grace?  Maybe I've finally accepted that things are different for us?  Different, hard, but we also have so much good. 

Griffin was so interested in the baby--he wanted to feed her and was hoping that she could come play with him outside some day.  But, after a while, you could tell that sharing his toys--and attention--was getting a bit old. 

We offered to keep her longer, but apparently her parents like her too much!  :)

P.S. I think my husband has nice legs. 

I had a fun Sunday lunch date with Dana in St. Cloud. It was fun to catch up with her in person! She brought a ton of great things for the garage sale, as well as all of Tanner's 4T clothes for Griffin. It was fun to look through Madi's old clothes and see the fun things Dana got for her on our annual fall shopping trip to Albertville. Mary Kaye and Helen were ohhing and ahhing over all the cute clothes! Griffin was excited to see a Batman windsuit in the massive pile of clothes! :)

Thanks to some great friends and my super hubby, prepping for the adoption garage sale is going well! Jamie picked up Mary's tables on Monday night and moved all of the items that Mary Kaye, Helen and I priced to Kari's garage--LOTS OF WORK! Mary Kaye was great and helped Jamie load the van and watch Griffin. (I had a work event.) Barb was a sweetheart and brought some tables over, too!

Last night Mary Kaye, Helen, Kari, Beth, Jamie and I set up the tables and racks and put all of our items out. Mary Kaye and Helen told me I had a lot of stuff before, but I didn't agree until I saw it all placed out! It's awesome! Griffin was happy, too, because the Easter Bunny dropped off a cool dump truck with a tool set at Kari's for him to play with. The Easter Bunny wasn't smart enough to include batteries, but Kari saved the day!

While putting things away, I got an exciting call from a friend that is going through the adoption process, too. Things are moving along well for her--I can't stop smiling! I am thrilled for her family and feel so much hope for ours.

More garage sale items are arriving today, so we will get those priced and ready to go! Everyone has been so supportive and generous!

We may be running into a weather problem, but we'll make the best of it. Bring on the umbrella and hot coffee! Jen will be there helping me sell on Friday--we are sure to have a great time! Whatever we don't sell will be boxed up for a sale later in the summer.

It's been fun working with friends on this garage sale, and feeling the much needed support for our adoption process. Life is good.

Turning Junk into a Blessing

We've been slowing doing some spring cleaning and purging things we don't need for a great cause! We're having a "junk = blessing" garage sale some time in May at a friend's house. Jamie prepped an area downstairs and we've started filling it with boxes and boxes of "junk" that we are hoping to turn into dollars that we can apply to our family building expenses. I got the idea when I visited an adoption website and it looked like so much fun--the photos of the garage sale showed their friends helping them with the sale...and quite honestly through this all, I am looking for a little fun! I also met with another friend that adopted and she, too, had a sale and said it was uplifting and helpful. So, done deal, we're doing it!
Once we get a date finalized, we'll let some of our friends know that if they have any items they are planning on getting rid of, we'll happily add them to the sale. We've already had a friend drop off a box of stuff as a contribution!
I love garage sales, but don't really enjoy getting ready for them. However, this time Jamie and I are both having a lot more fun with it. And, we are purging much more than we have before!
Before the sale I plan to go through all of Griffin's baby clothes. I think it will be good to downsize some of it and just keep the things that we really liked and are in great condition. We must have 15 tubs of clothes downstairs--EEK!!!

My Take on Paperwork

I love scrapbooking...it's so fun to look back on all of our great memories and preserve them for the future. Griffin will probably have no interest in dragging 20 scrapbooks with him to his home someday, but I am sure I will enjoy sharing each moment with my fellow residents at the nursing home.

The writing part of the adoption paperwork is a bit like scrapbooking. I've been reliving my life stage by stage for the last 2.5 hours+ (and I still have MANY more questions to answer....and I PROMISE I am not being long winded).

It was fun to write about my childhood. I had to call my mom to check on how I was disciplined....I don't really recall getting punished much. I hated disappointing my parents. My mom reminded me that if Chris and I weren't getting along she'd sit us across from each other at the little kid's table and in no time we'd be giggling. I can't wait for Griffin to have a sibling so I can test that out! She also told me that once they took the door off my room for slamming it too many times! I don't remember that, but I don't doubt one bit that in my pre-teen years I was a door slammer.

I had to write about my favorite memories as a child--I talked about "Wolney Snow Day"--the day each year that there was lots of snow, but school was still on. My parents would keep us home from school, my dad would stay home from work and we would watch movies and eat pizza in our PJs. I also loved "Heather Day" and "Chris Day" when we got to choose the plans for the day for our whole family.

I also got to write about my friendships (I am blessed with great friends), and about how Jamie and I met....and every other detail about our relationship! I was able to write my observations of him as a father and felt like I could go on forever about how patient, understanding, loving and supportive he is.

I had to write about tragedy, loss and how I dealt with it. Tears were flowing then. But through the tears, I was reminded of the outpouring of support we have had through each tough moment in life.

Overall, this part of the paperwork is actually fun--reliving the good times (and rough times) and being thankful for the good life we have.

OK, back at it!

Just checked--I have 29 questions to go (plus financial info, etc.) and completed 26. Jamie only has 9 left to go (he worked on his for 4 hours yesterday)!

Not Gonna Lie....Breakdown

So, every now and then through this crazy process you have to expect a little breakdown. Everything is SO emotional, feels SO unfair and seems like SO much work. So, I had one of those breakdown things on Friday night, and ironically a good friend called in the middle of it. I did what any good woman dealing with infertility would do....sucked up the tears, chatted like normal, then broke down. Luckily the good friend was calling about going out for a drink, so I picked her up and we headed to a small town bar a few towns away. By the time I got there I felt better thanks to her great listening ears and encouragement. Boy, I love friends.