Anything New?

We've been getting the question a lot lately, is anything new with our adoption process?  No, not a thing.  We're waiting.  It's hard to understand....but that's just how it goes.  There are people involved, emotions involved, decisions involved. It all takes time.  We truly want the right thing to happen, so the time is just fine for us.  It allows us to process, talk and think.  It's not the way we wanted things to go for us, but it's the way things are going so all we can do is make the best of it.  So, that's what we are doing.  Here's us making the best of our wait...

Fishing and enjoying the lake...

 Enjoying time together.....

Loving up our little man....

 Fun with friends....

 Exploring new things together...

At the Waterpark

Griffin, a friend, her daughter and I had a great two day trip to the cities. We did lots of fun kid things...including sliding, lazy rivering, drifting, tubing and splashing at an awesome waterpark. I noticed a family there with three beautiful children, one looked to be about 6, the other two about two. But the two weren't twins, the girl was Caucasian and the boy was African American. I started chatting with the mom because I figured she was a kindred spirit, ya know, another women that had been "through it" to grow her family. She told me that her oldest boy was conceived through IVF, they adopted the second oldest from Ethiopia, he was three and they brought him home last October. In the mean time they got unexpectedly pregnant-which they were told would likely never happen. She smiled and said it was a tough road, but they made it...she said it's kinda like labor...you hold your baby and the pain subsides and you know it was all worth it. She was so sweet and sincere. She wished us the best on our journey and thanked me for the nice chat. I looked over to see her two youngest hand in hand walking up the steps to go down a slide. Siblings brought together by adoption. What a beautiful sight.

And so begins the holiday season...

On Thanksgiving I woke up thankful for all we have....we are truly blessed.  As I got ready I strarted thinking about last year's Thanksgiving celebration, it was extra special because we had a baby on the way.  Finally, the miracle we were waiting and praying for.  We hadn't told many people, it was fun to have a little secret that only a few family and friends knew about.  I was reminded of the family member that inquired if we were pregnant, and we didn't respond, but smiled.  We announced at Christmas that we were expecting a baby in the summer.  We were SO happy, Griffin included! 

So, on Thanksgiving, the tears started streaming down my face, even though I was trying to stop them.  I cried on and off on the way to the farm, I couldn't help myself, I tried.  Grief hit and wasn't going to leave my side.  We got to the farm and I laid down for a bit until I could get myself together.  I received hugs and went on with our thanksgiving celebration...we do truly have a lot to be thankful for.  Hours later I was holding our sweet niece that was born several weeks before our baby was to arrive. She fell asleep on my chest and I received great comfort from her.  We're blessed to have such sweet nieces and nephews in our life to remind us of how good life is.  Such precious little miracles that make even dark days bright!

I've found that life feels good and happy, but suddenly and unexpectedly grief and disappointment can sink in.  I'm sure it's part of the healing process, and I am sure I will always feel grief because of what we've been through. But, the important thing is for us to live life so that our joy is our focus....and we learn to cope with our grief in the best way we can. 

Take that, Profile!

I worked my butt off on our profile last weekend and sent it to some of my peeps to proof it.  I have quite a few edits and updates to make.  On Sunday I woke up exhausted....late nights working on the profile and late nights working on work got the best of me.  I felt like I should finish updating our profile and send it off to our social worker.  But, I don't always like to do the things I should.  So, I revised my should for the day.  I should enjoy the real deal, the people in the profile.....live the profile.  So, that's what I did, and I am glad I did!

We packed a picnic lunch and headed into the local small town and ate by the damn.  It's pretty there and we fed the bullheads our leftover watermelon.  (What a random sentence!)  Then we devoured some yummy frozen treats.  And, we lived the profile.  It still needs to be updated, but I guarantee that some day I'll get it done!

 G explaining to me how a damn operates, coupled with lots of hand motions.  I love this kid!

Confusion at the Castle

We went to "the castle" for my mom's birthday dinner.  Griffin wore a tie.  So cute.  It lasted about 15 minutes.  But, boy was he proud those 15 minutes! 

An elderly couple that was sitting close by started chatting with us.  We quickly discovered that the woman had some short term memory loss.  She asked Griffin's name and age many times, and always followed by answers with "4 is such a fun age, isn't it?"  She also asked me if I "just had one?"  As you all know, that makes my top 10 list of lease favorite questions.  I smiled politely and said yes.  At least I think I think I smiled politely.  Then she asked my mom how many grandchildren she had.  My mom responded with, "One, but we are going to have more!"  So, I chimed in that we were in the process of adopting a baby.  (Which sometimes feels a little deceptive since we aren't even matched, but we are in the process, right?) Anyway, the couple thought that was great and asked us where we were adopting from and all of that good stuff.  (My response, "Minnesota" seems to shock everyone.)

Later on the woman commented that Griffin looked so much like me.  Her husband hit her arm and said, "Honey, he's adopted!"  I chimed in that Griffin wasn't adopted, but our next baby will be.

Apparently we'll be one of those families that may confuse others.  That's OK, it will all make perfect sense to us.

Family Photos--Update

We've had a whirlwind of a week....Jamie and I took an amazing trip to California to see one of my dearest friends get married.  We had a great time meeting new people, catching up with old friends and just being "ourselves" for a few days...ya know, the people we are when there isn't an ounce of stress in life!  The wedding was absolutely incredible--words can't describe it--I'll post some photos later. 

I got home to a great present...these fabulous photos from Judd Sather.  (See my previous post about family photos here.)  He did a great job capturing Griffin's personality, the affection between me and JT and "us".  The three of us as we wait to adopt.

Family Photos

I know someone that had family photos taken, and a few days later one of the family members was killed.  Those photos are cherished now, and send a reminder to me to capture moments in time whenever I can.  (Yep, that's why I have a camera glued to my face!)

However, there was a time that taking family photos was hard for me.  I remember my good friend and photographer Mandi from amanda rae photography (by the way look at the cutie on the far left of her website) came to take our photos.  She got done and I bawled.  Bawled because there were 3 of us in the photo and there should have been 4.  And, I don't mean "should have been" like I wish there would have been, I mean "should have been" as in we had a miscarriage and the baby that would have been born wasn't there.  I felt like someone was missing. 

I can look back at family photos and tag them with something...."that one was taken the day before I found out I was pregnant, only to miscarry 3 weeks later"....."that one was taken just as we started IVF....the IVF that ended in an early miscarriage". 

Yesterday we visited an old friend and checked out his new, amazing photography studio.  He took our photos.  The three of us.  And, he took some of Jamie and me.  Just the two of us, stronger than before.  The photos Judd took will be our "those were taken as we waited for our adoption" photos.  And, for the first time in a long time, they won't be photos of what was missing, but what will be.  They aren't photos of me feeling empty, with no life growing in me.  They will be photos of us, a family, a team, the three of us that have so much to look forward to.  

After we got done with photos, Jamie, Griffin and Judd were singing and playing the guitar (yes, Judd has the loft set up for a band!) and another photographer walked in.  His sister and brother-in-law followed.  She had a big swollen belly, I figured she was coming in for maternity photos. 

You know what?  I wasn't jealous.  I didn't think about how she "wrecked" my day.  I didn't even think, "She's so lucky, I hope she realizes it".  I thought she was coming in to take photos of her belly, that's it.  I sat there in my dress and heels and reflected on that....I was happy where I am.  I feel healthy and fit again.  I don't feel empty.  My empty feelings have changed to a fullness of hope.....full of a growing baby that isn't growing physically in me, but is mentally.  I don't understand why we've been brought on this road, but it's  our road and we're making the absolute best of it.

By the way, the woman was coming in to have her 1 week old baby's photos taken.  He was adorable.  We talked about babies.  We told her we applied for adoption.  It's so fun to share our news....kinda like being pregnant, but different.  It's like opening up that we've struggled, but we aren't giving up. 

And, someday, I'll be the woman with the one week old baby getting his/her photos taken.  I have a feeling I'll be crying the whole time, crying happy tears. 
  

We're Heading to Holland!

Our adoption training day was many things: a great chance to meet new people (people just like us!), fun, informational, overwhelming, scary, exciting, and the list could go on.

I'll blog about a few of the many important things from the day, but I thought I'd share the essay below. It was something I've heard before, and was repeated again yesterday. It applies to us, and to all of my friends that have given up "the biological dream". It was originally written about children with disabilities, but can certainly apply to those of us that thought having biological children would be easy...and was part of our "plan".

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by: Emily Perl Kingsley.


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


Both literally and figuratively, I have been to Italy. And, both literally and figuratively I have wanted to go to Holland. So, to Holland we will go. We'll admire the tulips and windmills, and will make it a grand adventure along the way. A true Thompson Family Adventure.

Field Trip the County Jail

We had another fun "Thompson Family Adventure" tonight...a trip to the county jail! Jamie and I needed to get fingerprinted as part of our adoption process. (Yes, Jamie did say he felt a little weird taking our picture.) And, look at those nice fingerprints! Check another thing off the long list of to-dos!

Three Peas in a Pod

Last night after we tucked Griffin into bed, Jamie told me that a few minutes earlier Griffin had tears in his eyes and pulled his white blanket close to his face and said, "Daddy, why did our baby have to go from Mommy's tummy?" I never imagined that 2 1/2 months after our miscarriage he would still be asking these kinds of questions. He only knew about our baby for 2 weeks (although he asked if I had a baby in my tummy a few times before we told him he was going to be a big brother). It's so hard to explain to our sweet little boy, especially since we don't understand it ourselves.

Many times when the three of us are playing, laughing or are out on a family adventure, I think, "We're three peas in a pod." I guess with grief it's no different, we are all still feeling sadness and loss. At least we can grieve together.

My Take on Paperwork

I love scrapbooking...it's so fun to look back on all of our great memories and preserve them for the future. Griffin will probably have no interest in dragging 20 scrapbooks with him to his home someday, but I am sure I will enjoy sharing each moment with my fellow residents at the nursing home.

The writing part of the adoption paperwork is a bit like scrapbooking. I've been reliving my life stage by stage for the last 2.5 hours+ (and I still have MANY more questions to answer....and I PROMISE I am not being long winded).

It was fun to write about my childhood. I had to call my mom to check on how I was disciplined....I don't really recall getting punished much. I hated disappointing my parents. My mom reminded me that if Chris and I weren't getting along she'd sit us across from each other at the little kid's table and in no time we'd be giggling. I can't wait for Griffin to have a sibling so I can test that out! She also told me that once they took the door off my room for slamming it too many times! I don't remember that, but I don't doubt one bit that in my pre-teen years I was a door slammer.

I had to write about my favorite memories as a child--I talked about "Wolney Snow Day"--the day each year that there was lots of snow, but school was still on. My parents would keep us home from school, my dad would stay home from work and we would watch movies and eat pizza in our PJs. I also loved "Heather Day" and "Chris Day" when we got to choose the plans for the day for our whole family.

I also got to write about my friendships (I am blessed with great friends), and about how Jamie and I met....and every other detail about our relationship! I was able to write my observations of him as a father and felt like I could go on forever about how patient, understanding, loving and supportive he is.

I had to write about tragedy, loss and how I dealt with it. Tears were flowing then. But through the tears, I was reminded of the outpouring of support we have had through each tough moment in life.

Overall, this part of the paperwork is actually fun--reliving the good times (and rough times) and being thankful for the good life we have.

OK, back at it!

Just checked--I have 29 questions to go (plus financial info, etc.) and completed 26. Jamie only has 9 left to go (he worked on his for 4 hours yesterday)!