Garage Sale Round 3

Garage sale round #1 landed us a little over $1,200!  The leftover items were being stored at a friend's house and her son recently had a sale and set some of our items out, so we made another $230!  Now we are prepping for another (final?) sale at another friend's home.  They have a big neighborhood sale on Saturday, so we decided to take advantage of it.  We've had a lot of items donated (thank you to you!), including lots and lots of kids clothes (which sell well)!!  Barb and I priced quite a bit on Saturday night after a long day on the water.  Tonight Jen and Barb came over and we finished it up--a bad storm rolled through so we had to drag some of it in the basement to price for a bit.  The good news is that we found more for the sale while we were down there!
Here are some of the goodies we have to sell:

It's a ton of work to get everything together, but it's been fun spending time with friends to do so!  Thank goodness I have people willing to help!!  And, the sale part is fun--I love seeing what sells and who buys what. 
Of course, a garage sale isn't going to come close to funding a $22,000 adoption.  Have no fear, we have been saving and know that we'll somehow be able to make it work.  Part of having the sale is about raising awareness that we are adopting.  If we are connected to our birth mother privately, things may proceed faster and we will save $5,000 of the expenses through Lutheran Social Services.  It's been fun educating people about the adoption process, and it has been really uplifting for me to get support from so many people.  This process has been tough and the support of others has given us so much strength.  Just yesterday Jamie said, "Heather, if you look back over the past year and think about it, it's just a nightmare." Yep, that's why we do our best to work through the challenges one by one....when you combine them together it seems so hard to conquer. 
We're doing what we can today to make progress--prepping for a garage sale that will get us financially closer to covering our $22,000 in adoption costs!

Blessings

I was given a Prayers & Blessing perpetual calendar with daily encouragements from the ladies at the office in January.  As I was leaving work today, I looked up July 13--the first day of our home study.  It reads: "If only you could see the blessings God has already prepared for you, and He's preparing in your heart right now to receive them."

I'm looking forward to more blessings!

The good that has come from our struggles: The GOOD in People

If you were to ask me if anything good has come out of our struggle with infertility, I'd say yes.  Of course, I'd rather just be able to have children easily, but at least I can see some good through all of this. 
I've always liked people, liked to be around people, saw the good in people...all that good stuff.  But, through this I have seen the GOOD in people, not just the good.  Many days I am overwhelmed with the outpouring of support that we have received from people, it brings me to tears just thinking about it.  The support gets us through, we may be going through a tough time that is difficult for people to understand, but we aren't doing it alone.  Instead of feeling bitter towards the world, I feel thankful that we are surrounded by so many caring people.  I hesitate writing about this because I don't want to seem like a big old bragger--"Look at me what what people do for me!"  And, I don't want people to read this and think, "Uh-oh, she expects me to do something extravagant for her!"  Rather,  I want to share that although this has been a tough experience (understatement), we have been blessed through it. 
Here's a small glimpse of the GOOD:

• A woman I met in my Resolve support group recently had a baby.  One day I checked her Facebook page to see if she updated it with photos, no luck.  That night I got home and had mail from her, I opened it excitedly thinking it was a birth announcement.  Instead it was a sweet card telling me that she knows our baby would have been due soon and that she was thinking of me.  She's at home with a newborn, and she's sending me encouragement. 
• My Cozy Urban Home cousins read about my recent miscarriage on this blog, flowers showed up the same day.  2 busy women taking the time out of their day to let me know they care.
• Over a year ago, a friend at work had a miscarriage after the 12 week mark. Fortunately , she was able to get pregnant again, she and I were both expecting July 2011 babies (thankfully she had her baby recently!!).  Every week she checks on me, sends me thoughtful comments, reads this blog, and lets me know she is rooting for me.  She has a busy life, but takes time out to give me hope.
• A plant showed up on our doorstep one day from an old friend....the plant was the flower from our wedding...one of my very favorites.  It's now planted in our back yard--a sign of hope to look at when we hang out in the yard.
• Lots of hands helped with our adoption garage sale.  Two women spent over 12 hours helping me price items and set up the sale (one of them baked her awesome monster cookies and sold them for the cause).  Many donated items, so many!!  Another one gave me her garage space, another took the day off of work to run the sale with me.  We're prepping for another sale and friends have been generously dropping off stuff for the sale.  They are taking the time to go through their items and home and making an effort to help us out.
• Our loss in January lead to an outpouring of support from co-workers, friends and family.  The women at work sent over an over the top care package with everything I love in it.  A friend that lives abroad thought that baking therapy may help and sent a whole grains cookbook.  Prepared meals were delivered.  My neighbor knew my mom was far away, so she came over just to give me a hug.
• The random emails, calls, texts, blog notes and cards are so sweet, always surprise me and let me know that we WILL get through this and that we have good people thinking of and praying for us. 
• A few girls have truly been through it ALL with me, listening to my ups and downs, everyday struggles and still listen, cry with me and love me just the same.

People are GOOD and we are fortunate to be the recipients of the good.  I can only hope that someday I will be able to show others how good people are.

35

On Monday I turned 35.  I knew this would be a tough one.  It's one of those "milestone birthdays" where you think about what you'd be doing at 35.  Years ago I figured at this point I'd be driving kiddos to games, volunteering at their school and packing lots of lunches....not still trying to have kiddos with not a whole lot of luck.  Last year on my birthday I told myself that by the time I was 35 this would be behind us, we'd be through the IVF process and hopefully have a baby in our arms or on the way.  And, if not, we'd be far along in the adoption process.  Instead, our year was miserable in terms of growing our family.  Hope, loss, hope, loss, hope, loss and now back to hope.  I don't want this hope to lead to more loss. 
Had the last baby continued to grow in me, my 35th birthday would have been my 12 week mark.  Instead it was 3.5 weeks after our miscarriage.  Some days it's hard to keep telling myself it will all work out.  I've told myself that many, many times and it really doesn't seem like things always "work out".  I know in the big picture things will look better, but, losing babies in the womb will never seem like "working out" to me....especially when we know at least one of them was a healthy baby. 
So, 35 I am, and I am going to make it a good year!

Simple doctor's visit not so simple

On 6/22, I had to head back to the doctor for a follow up appointment for our recent miscarriage--this felt like the last step to be able to "move on". (Really, how do you move on from all of this....I think it's more like acceptance and coping, than moving on.)  As I walked in, my OB's nurse told me that he was running behind, so it would be a little wait.  I was grateful to sit down in the empty waiting room, a follow up appointment to a miscarriage isn't exactly where I want to be surrounded by pregnant bellies.  I grabbed a Parents magazine and thought to myself that they should have some reading material that didn't revolve around being pregnant or being a parent.  Just think of all of the women battling infertility sitting next to other women with swollen bellies and another reminder of their struggle sitting on the end tables.   Soon a pregnant woman showed up, then another and another.  My nurse popped her head out of the door to the examine rooms and said, "Heather it's going to be a while, but I don't want you to have to wait out here."  Wow, how thoughtful.  I knew I'd be fine, but it's nice to have a little TLC.  She asked if we were able to start our adoption again, so I gave her the good news that we scheduled our home study.  Again, how thoughtful. 
So, I had my exam, and my doctor left the room.  When he came back, I expected to tell him that I'd see him in the office in a year for my annual appointment.  Closure....I didn't anticipate heading back for a pregnancy appointment anytime soon.  Instead, he walked in the room with a big binder and said that he attended a reproductive conference last week.  (I secretly always hoped something like this would happen...that one of our doctors would find out why we couldn't have more children--other than the obvious things we've been diagnosed with and could remedy.)  He started talking about telomere shortening and showed me PowerPoint slides.  To sum it up in simple terms, it's premature aging of your eggs.  He spoke with another doctor that has worked with us and they agree that this could be the reason for our miscarriages, it's possible that my eggs carry short telomeres, which leads to poor embryo health.  What he said makes sense.  I produced about 25 eggs each time we did IVF (for those of you that don't know--that's A LOT).  Five days later, when it was time to transfer, I had 2 left one time and 3 left another time.  Obviously not good odds.  But, they weren't sure if it was a male or female factor issue.  He went on to say that this is in the research stage and that at this point there doesn't seem to be anything we could do about it.  He commented that one company sells a protein that they claim helps, but it's a small fortune and my doctor thinks they are simply out to make money.  So, maybe this is the case.  But, maybe not.
I was caught off guard and thought of a ton of questions after I left.  I couldn't get in touch with Jamie, and started to cry on the way home.  I thought about the great husband and father he was, and it made me feel so much guilt and pain that my body may be preventing him from having the joy of more children.  I gt home and filled Jamie in and, of course, he calmed me down.  He said that even if he knew that I could never have children, he would have married me anyway.  And, that we will have more children someday, and, I believe him.
I spent some time googling telomere shortening and got some articles from other women in my online infertility support group.   I have lots more questions for my doctors, and am not sure when I will be ready to ask them.  And, I know I should see if I can get tested for this--I was able to find a lab in Texas that tested telomere length.  At the same time I don't want to find out I am aging prematurely.  As a mom with so much to look forward to, that scares me. 
So, the simple doctor's visit wasn't so simple.