The Race

Yesterday Griffin wanted to go to Nonna and Poppa's cabin the minute we woke up.  We told him that he'd have to wait because I needed to get a run in first.  He wanted to know why, and I told him so that I needed to practice so that I would be ready for my race.  Then he asked if I was going to win the race.  I chuckled, no I wasn't going to win the race.  He asked me if I was going to be sad.  No, I wasn't going to be sad, I didn't think I'd win the race, I just want to finish the race.  Kinda like our struggle to grow our family.  I don't care about "winning", I just want to finish.  Then he asked, "What if you do win the race?"  I told him the truth, I KNOW I won't win, and that's OK.

I'm running the race for myself, it's on my heart.

One thing is for sure, I'll be a happy gal when I cross that finish line.  And, I'll take the blisters, sore muscles and exhaustion that comes with it.

Support Group

In January of 2010 I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to talk to other people like me.  Infertile people.  I needed to know my feelings weren't crazy, I wanted to be validated.  I joined a Resolve support group and it's been good for me.  I've met great women battling what I've been battling for years.  Most of them have been battling for years, too.

I attended the meeting last week, and it dawned on me that everyone that I started the group with has "resolved" their infertility in one way or another: adoption, birth or getting their arms around the idea that more children aren't in their future.  But not me, I'm still there.  Chugging along.  I'm suppose I'm making progress, it just doesn't feel like it.

I started reflecting on the money (close to $45,000), the time (over 3.5 years), the miscarriages (4), the failed IUIs (5), the months on infertility medication (12), the months waiting in the book (7), the tears (countless).  Still no resolution.  It made me sad.  I'm kinda "the last one standing."  Then I remembered the wonderful women I met that are happily holding their babies.  I am so grateful for that.  Someday I will get to join them (at least I keep telling myself that).

It's shocking.  I would have never guessed I'd still be going to meetings, unresolved.  I was SO positive that each next step was going to work.  I never would have guessed that I'd be the last one of the group standing.  But, here I am hoping that soon my only reason to attend meetings will be to support other women like me and tell them not to give up.  I've fought harder than I thought I could, experienced more disappointment than I thought I could endure, but I'm OK.  Truly OK.

Leaving Las Vegas

Our last stop prior to leaving Las Vegas was PF Chang's.  Lettuce wraps and Asian pear mojitos, need I say more?  Here was my fortune:

Bring it on!!

A Little Hope Along the Way

We were recently at a wedding and struck up a conversation with the couple, complete strangers, sitting next to us.  They had the college aged son with them.  We chatted a bit and it came up that we were a waiting adoptive family.  I'm not really surprised that it came up since I usually fit it into every conversation I can.  You just never know.  Anyway, that nice college aged son they had with him, they adopted him.  Through LSS.  How do you like them apples!?

100 Griffins

Griffin is pretty much obsessed with TV, which is pretty much hilarious based on the amount of TV Jamie and I watch...very little.  I asked him one day if he could have anything, what would he have.  He responded with 100 TVs.  I asked him what he thinks I'd have if I could have anything I wanted.  He responded with 100 Griffins.

If only he knew.