We have a Date!

She called back and, we have a date.  A home study date.  I am so excited!  July 13 at 9:00 a.m.  We'll be meeting with her in St. Cloud, and will have another meeting where she will come to our home.  I really, really needed this now.  With my 35th birthday right around the corner and the due date of the baby we lost in January coming up quickly, a bit of hope is really helpful.  More to come.....

Heaven is for Real

Two weeks ago I was in Cub and passed by the section of books and one caught my eye, it had a yellow cover with a cute little blonde haired boy on it, he looked like he was close to Griffin's age. It's title was Heaven is for Real. On the cover it read, "A little boy's astounding story of his trip to heaven and back." I was tempted to buy it, but thought I better check it out from the library and save some cash. So, I made a mental note of it and finished my shopping.

The next day Jen came to pick me up for a day at Como Zoo with the kiddos. I hopped into her van and saw the same book sitting on the middle console. I picked up, about to tell her that I just saw it last night and wanted to read it, and she told me she brought it because she thought I'd like it. Weird, huh?

It was a great and quick read. I always believed in heaven and heard believable stories of people dying, visiting heaven and coming back to life, but this book really solidified it. One part really sang to me:

The little boy, Colton, went up to his mother and commented that he had two sisters. She corrected him, that he only had one. Then he corrected her, he also had the sister that died in his mommy's tummy. Colton's mom had a miscarriage before Colton was born that he never knew about. Wow. He went on to describer her and said that she was okay, and that God adopted her. His mom inquired about her name, and he said that she didn't have a name because their parents never named her. The miscarriage occurred in the first trimester, so they didn't know they were having a girl, so never named her.

I imagined that someday I would meet my 4 other children in heaven, but book made the concept seem much more real. We may not ever have the three children we hoped to raise here on earth, but we will sure have a big family once we get to heaven. We will have 4 kiddos to meet, and name. As wonderful as that moment will be, I'd like to stay planted here for quite a while and take good care of our little miracle here on earth.

Colton described heaven as very colorful, with lots of rainbows. Now when I see rainbows (and I have seen a lot lately thanks to our rainy summer weather!!), I think of heaven and the 4 children we have up there that are adopted by God, and are truly safe.

I did it.

I called our social worker. Yep, probably doesn't seem like a big step to just punch 10 numbers on my cell phone, but it was! I left her a message and hope and pray that we can get our home study back on the calendar and begin the adoption process again. I was waiting to call because I knew she wanted us to have some time to cope with our loss. When we last spoke she mentioned getting together in a few months and giving us time to grieve. Those that are reading this know me, and know that progress and hope have been a healing part of this process. A date on the calendar, even if it's two months out would help with the healing. So, lets keep our fingers crossed that I get a return call soon and a date to meet the woman that will change our lives.

A Relief

One of the stressers that goes along with our family building process is daycare. We LOVE where Griffin goes to daycare. It's in a great home, the provider is well organized, teaches preschool, takes the children outside frequently, has a great schedule, limits TV time, is flexible and the kids take on responsibilities. It's great. I've always, and I mean always, been afraid that she won't have an infant opening when we have our next baby. I can't imagine having someone else care for our child while we are at work. And, I can't imagine Griffin going to a different daycare than his baby brother or sister. We've reserved a spot for baby #2 three times now (our 2nd miscarriage was early and we new from the beginning that the pregnancy would fail, so didn't reserve a spot that time).

Today I got an email from our daycare provider that an infant is starting in September.

It was followed by an email telling me that she informed the family that she has another family (US!) that is going through an adoption. If we were placed with a baby, they would need to find another daycare provider. Wow. What a huge weight off of our shoulders (OK, my shoulders, Jamie always had faith that it would work out). A true blessing. Our baby will be in the daycare we love, right along with his or her big brother.

Sigh. Of. Relief.

Dealing

And, like clockwork, by coping mechanisms kick in. I started organizing things downstairs, cleaning up and straightening up. My way of putting a little control in an out of control day. Now I am downloading photos. So, I'll be updating our family blog, because that makes me happy. Then I can see the good in life, our blessings. Here are some of them:

G-man enjoying a "bite" of cotton candy at the Como Zoo.

My dear Wednesday Night Girls.
My boys riding on the Schlegel's motocross track, in their front yard!!
Griffin watching the high jump at the State Track Meet.
My good friend and encourager, Jenny, at the Como Zoo with our friend, the gorilla.

Fun stuff in the last week. Grieving, but living all at the same time.