It started with this feeling of needing to get things done around the house. Lots of things. Things that I haven't thought about. Really, ever thought about. We need to clean behind the washer and dryer. The filing cabinet needs to be organized. The cabinets need washing. Then I started a list. And it was long, really long. So I typed it up. Jamie joined in and we started crossing stuff off the list. Let me add that he joined in with a smile on his face. The guy is great! One day he called to ask if I wanted him to pick up G from daycare and start dinner or would I rather have him scrub the laundry room floor and clean behind the appliances. (I picked the latter.) Love that man!
Then it dawned on me that I am nesting.
I love that. I am so glad that although I am missing out on a pregnant belly, ultrasounds of my beautiful baby, feeling kicks, people asking me when I am due, wearing cute maternity clothes (and the list goes on).....I am not missing out on nesting.
I am really hoping I don't have to nest for years. But, if I do, boy will our home be organized!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Don't you see? I've left the race.
The other day the baby questions started early, like 5:55 a.m. early. By 6:55 a.m. I was getting baby question #2. I really don't mind the baby questions. I'm glad people are interested, or at least pretending to be interested. It makes the wait seem so much more real, like I truly am an expecting mom.
After the interrogator from the 6:55 a.m. baby discussion left the room, my good friend looked at me and asked, "How do you do it??" I told her the truth, it really doesn't bother me anymore. After all, we've put our feelings right out there on our sleeves, so we have to expect that people will ask. And, I enjoy educating people about the adoption process, so it's OK.
The part of the 6:55 a.m. discussion that I didn't appreciate was this: Interrogator, "I guess it's a race between you and X to see who has a baby first." X is trying to get pregnant, and maybe is. But really, it's not our business until she wants it to be.
A race?
See folks, I am out of the race. I gave that up a long time ago. Did I WANT my children to be closer in age? You betcha. Would I have loved to have a baby at the same time as my good friend Kelly so we'd have two kids the same age? Yep. Do I wish I was on baby #3 right now, not holding onto hope that we will at least have one more child. Of course. But that didn't happen, I lived in the race and it sucked. Mentally, physically, emotionally sucked.
You know what? I learned it's not a race. I don't care how close my kids are in age anymore. I don't think about what grade Griffin will be in when our next child starts school. I don't think about so and so "beating me" because they have three kids and we likely never will. I don't worry about the trivial things that used to consume my thoughts.
The race kept going and I exited. I pulled out on the sidelines and decided that I'd run a different course. A course that has pretty scenery, but tough hills. It's a lot longer than the other course, but it's made me a better person, a better mom, a better lover of life. So, I'll continue on this course until I get to the end. But I won't race to the end, I'll take whatever time I need to get there.
So people, please don't put me back in the race. That's not a place I want to be anymore because losing hurts. I'll just continue to do my own thing, and you know what, I'll be happy doing it.
After the interrogator from the 6:55 a.m. baby discussion left the room, my good friend looked at me and asked, "How do you do it??" I told her the truth, it really doesn't bother me anymore. After all, we've put our feelings right out there on our sleeves, so we have to expect that people will ask. And, I enjoy educating people about the adoption process, so it's OK.
The part of the 6:55 a.m. discussion that I didn't appreciate was this: Interrogator, "I guess it's a race between you and X to see who has a baby first." X is trying to get pregnant, and maybe is. But really, it's not our business until she wants it to be.
A race?
See folks, I am out of the race. I gave that up a long time ago. Did I WANT my children to be closer in age? You betcha. Would I have loved to have a baby at the same time as my good friend Kelly so we'd have two kids the same age? Yep. Do I wish I was on baby #3 right now, not holding onto hope that we will at least have one more child. Of course. But that didn't happen, I lived in the race and it sucked. Mentally, physically, emotionally sucked.
You know what? I learned it's not a race. I don't care how close my kids are in age anymore. I don't think about what grade Griffin will be in when our next child starts school. I don't think about so and so "beating me" because they have three kids and we likely never will. I don't worry about the trivial things that used to consume my thoughts.
The race kept going and I exited. I pulled out on the sidelines and decided that I'd run a different course. A course that has pretty scenery, but tough hills. It's a lot longer than the other course, but it's made me a better person, a better mom, a better lover of life. So, I'll continue on this course until I get to the end. But I won't race to the end, I'll take whatever time I need to get there.
So people, please don't put me back in the race. That's not a place I want to be anymore because losing hurts. I'll just continue to do my own thing, and you know what, I'll be happy doing it.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Acting Like an Expecting Mom
I think you all know that after a little husband convincing on my end, we've decided our next baby will be cloth diapered. A while ago I met with a very nice and talented women, who also happens to be an adoptive mother of two, who makes cloth diapers. She showed me how they "work" and her "factory" where she sews them in her basement. It was so helpful. She recently unveiled a great new diaper and announced that several would be available for sale today. I LOVED the new limited edition diaper, and it was a Wednesday (my day off), so I figured that must be a sign that I should buy one! :) The first of hopefully many diapers!! I chose brown with a orange BOOM BOOM so it would be boy and girl friendly. Anyway, I had a big smile on my face when I clicked on "complete order". I'm cautious enough to realize that our situation may not work out as we are hoping, but in the mean time I truly feel that we should live life as expecting parents. I think we deserve to celebrate with hope and anticipation what is to come. It feels good to be expecting again. (And, no, we don't have a match....YET!)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Checking the Website
Every so often I check the LSS website to see the list of waiting families....I look at the pretty photos of happy people eagerly waiting for a child. Today I checked it out and was happy to see two families that have been waiting since I started taking a gander at the site (over a year ago) move to the "matched" section. Of course, I can't wait for the day that we move out of the "waiting" category and into the "Congratulations on your arrival" category, but in the mean time I am going to celebrate these families that have been waiting much longer than us. How exciting! It's great to see dreams come true!
Griffin's Comments
As I was getting lunch ready today, Griffin was cutting up some red peppers. (Sounds more dangerous than it was!) Out of the blue, he said, "Isn't It sad that my uncle died?" I responded, "Uncle Jordy? Yes, it's very sad, but he is happy up in heaven." Then Griffin started asking us all sorts of questions about heaven. Can Uncle Jordy talk in heaven? How about walk? Does he have legs up in heaven? Jamie told him he had wings. Could he play with Uncle Jordy in heaven? Did heaven have swing sets? Could he fly up on the swing set? How about toys? And baby toys, too? We answered "yes" over and over and told him heaven would be amazing. After answering yes about the baby toys he smiled and said, "Oh good, because then I can play with my baby in heaven."
I couldn't talk and my eyes welled up with tears. The little guy still thinks about "his baby". (The baby that we miscarried in January 2011.) It will be hard when we explain to him someday--no time soon--that he has 3 other babies to meet in heaven, too. Hopefully he'll have other babies right here on earth to call his own, too.
I couldn't talk and my eyes welled up with tears. The little guy still thinks about "his baby". (The baby that we miscarried in January 2011.) It will be hard when we explain to him someday--no time soon--that he has 3 other babies to meet in heaven, too. Hopefully he'll have other babies right here on earth to call his own, too.
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