The New Year

Here we are, happily landed into 2012.  We had a terrific New Year's Eve at our home with great friends.  I've been able to have some quality time with a few "old" friends lately and it's been wonderful...spending time with them feels like home.

This year I have many things I'd like to do.  Get more organized.  Kick the nail biting habit.  Drop 10 more pounds.  Worry less.  Enjoy more.  Create healthier habits, and keep them.  HAVE ANOTHER BABY.

I saw this the other day and had to save it.  I think I'm there, and it feels good:



When Jamie and I were first married and ran into kinks, we'd comment that we've "growing and learning".  Years later, we still are.   Our past has made us better.  I'm certain we still have lots more growing and learning to do!

A perpetual calendar that I got from the ladies at work after we lost our baby last January has a great blessing for today: "May you look forward to the year ahead with an unwavering confidence in God--He loves you more than you can imagine, wants you to live out the dreams He put in your heart, and cheers you on to fulfill His purpose for you."

So that's how that strong desire to have more children got in there, God put it in my heart!  I hope that this year allows me to fulfill more of my purpose, whatever that is!  (It's a little scary to put that in writing, because I know what I WANT my purpose to be, but He may have other ideas!!)

Happy 2012! 

A few thoughts from the past

I've been spending way too much time looking at family photos for our adoption profile.  I'm working on a website about our family and need to create 4 scrapbook pages about us for the infamous BOOK of waiting families.  As I was going through photos I found this:

A photo of the medications for my first round of IVF.  I know--holy crap, right?  The best part?  The Valium for the transfer. :)  I had never seen so many syringes in my life!  I never thought I'd be able to give myself a shot, but I did it!  And, I was blessed to have people help me with the tough ones in my back/butt--Jamie (he hated every minute), my mom (she watched videos online to prep), Wendy (she learned form my mom), Barb (not her favorite part of scrapbooking weekend, I am sure!) and Kari (my friend's mom that was a nurse--that was a SMOOTH shot).  When I first saw this photo today, I thought, "Thank goodness this part of my life is over (maybe)."  Then I remembered all of the feelings of hope I had when I opened this box...we didn't know why we couldn't get pregnant, but we were sure that IVF would bring us the family we so desperately wanted.  And, we were wrong.  And, that scares me.  I don't want to be wrong about adoption.  I don't want any more grief or loss...I just want another child to love and care for.  I keep telling myself to let go of my fears, this is a new chapter and that in the end I will know that we followed our hearts. 

FYI--I spared you the photo of my bruised belly.  The bruises weren't as bad as I expected then to be.  And, I noticed my belly was flatter back then.  What's up with that?