Measuring a Baby

Griffin and I were at the library the other day.  I signed him up for the summer reading program.  He got a bookmark, sticker and could choose between a ruler and a pencil.  I asked him what he wanted and he picked the ruler.  I asked him what he would want to measure with it and he said, "The baby."  I responded, "What baby?"  He replied, "The baby we are going to get someday."

He hadn't mentioned a baby/our baby/being a big brother for about two weeks, I thought maybe he was "over it" and was moving on.  I guess not.  He's just waiting patiently just like us.  Or, trying to wait patiently.  It's hard.

A Brother

This morning I was brushing Griffin's hair and I gave him a kiss.  I said, "You know that some day another girl is going to love you soooo much."  And he replied with, "But, mom, I want a brother."  I guess he has babies on the brain just like me.

The Bribe

We bribed Griffin to be a good boy during the interview.  It's true.  And he was so, so good.  And we told him so, many times.  And he said, "I know."  I love that kid.

He wanted a beyblade like Hunter and Matt.  So, after the interview I drove him straight to Target.  He picked out his beyblade and showed me a cool toy thing that they can "battle" in.  Then he turned to leave.  I asked if he wanted that, too.  He couldn't believe it!  He asked if I was going to use my own money because he didn't have any more money.  Yes, I was.  Wow.  He was thrilled.  Then he saw a "Helk" (Hulk).  Could he get that, too?  Was tempted, but asked him if he was OK with just getting the two toys, he was.  He proudly walked through Target and couldn't believe that we didn't have to look for anything else.  :)  He verified that I had enough money to pay for both.  Good news, I did. 

He wanted to go to McDonald's for lunch.  He played with his beyblade and we talked on the way to lunch.  He said, "Mom, they didn't even ask me about the adoption."  I asked him what he would have said if they asked him about it.  He said, "I'm gonna get a baby!"  Maybe it's better they didn't ask.

We got our lunch and sat at one of the tiny kid's tables with McDonald's figurines on the chairs.  Yes, WE sat in them.

He brought his beyblade into daycare to show his friends.

He was so happy. 

So was I.

Gulp.

The other day spring was in the air, which means no jackets, which means many more visible pregnant bellies.  I ran into a women that I see frequently, she is pregnant, and it caught me off guard.  I started to get choked up and was glad I had my sunglasses on.  Some days seeing those beautiful, healthy bellies full of a sweet little baby is hard.  I know that most likely I'll never be pregnant again.  And, if I was, my innocence has been lost. I know I could never enjoy pregnancy as I did with Griffin.

Today I saw the cute pregnant belly again.  At the same time Griffin looked at me in my winter coat and said, "Mommy, it looks like you have a baby in your tummy."  Great.  Honestly, if I ever wear a empire waist shirt I ask Jamie if I look pregnant (side note...as if he'd ever say yes!)....anyway, I am so afraid of someone thinking or asking me if I'm pregnant.  I said to Griffin, "You know there isn't a baby in there."  I felt bad for the expecting mother, she knows our history.  When we got in the car I reminded Griffin that I wasn't going to have a baby in my tummy.  He commented that he knew that and that someone was going to give us a baby some day.  Then he said to me, "Don't be sad Mommy, we are going to have a baby some day."  Gosh...that kid picks up on things, doesn't he?

Griffin's Comments

I was saying bedtime prayers with Griffin on Monday night and he asked me, “Mom, when are we going to get our baby?  We’ve been waiting for 100 years!”  It’s amazing how much a 4 year old boy and a 35 year old woman can relate to each other.

I assured him that it would happen in time (and thought to myself that I better blog this so that I can show him how much he wanted a brother or sister when he’s fed up with him or her later in life!). 

Then he asked, “But, what if no one wants us to have their baby.”  I assured him that we have a happy family and that someone would like their baby to be in our family. ,

This followed with, “But what if the baby already likes their family and wants to stay with them, but we really want the baby?”  So I explained that the Mommy and Daddy had to make the decision.  He asked, “But what if they are sad because they don’t get to keep the baby?”

Heart wrenching.  I KNOW they will be sad.

It’s interesting to me that at 4 and a half, the little guy has the same concerns I do.

He went back to the beginning of the conversation and asked when we’d have a baby because he wants a baby soon.  Then he asked me if I could get the play dough guy he made at Nonna and Poppa’s down from his shelf.  He’s a resilient little bugger.    

Griffin's Comments

So, it was a rough day for me emotionally (see previous post).  I got home and didn't say anything baby related, I promise.  Jamie and I talked in code a bit, but G-man can't decipher that.  I was writing my last entry and I hear Griffin talking to Jamie downstairs.

He was looking at a Christmas card.  "She's lucky, she gets to have a little brother.  I guess we aren't lucky because we don't get to have a baby."

Jamie said, "We'll be blessed with a baby later.  Sometimes it just takes longer."

Griffin responded with an exasperated sigh, "Right." 

I guess we have another reason to keep going.  Griffin wants a baby, too.