Almost There

I have a friend at the gym that gets ready post workout when I do.  Her daughter is anticipating the arrival of her baby any day.  When she told me that her daughter was pregnant, I was, too.  We were about a week apart, but our baby didn't survive.  Today we were talking about her daughter, how she returned the "1st Christmas" outfits that would be much too small since she didn't have her baby before Christmas, how she was trying to walk a lot to get things "moving" and her favorite baby names.  It made me wish I could buy a baby's 1st Christmas outfit, but I wouldn't know what size to get.  Then I reminded myself that I am not really into baby's 1st Christmas outfits, at least not the kind that are probably 50% off right now!  ;)

I'm almost there....to the date of the last "should have been due date" and to the date of the anniversary of finding out that baby #4 died somewhere between our 11.5 week ultrasound and 14 weeks.  It seems so far away, but just like yesterday.  The thought of being pregnant seems so distant, the pain of the loss seems so fresh.  I can remember what happened in the ultrasound room that day with a scary vividness.  January 11th will bring a clean slate.  Almost there, to the clean slate. 

4 Kids

Griffin and I went out to grab a bite to eat tonight, we were right next to a family with 4 boys.  Griffin was very interested in them, and we all started chatting.  The boys were 8, 6, 4 and 6 months.  All adorable.  Griffin was smiling at the baby and the mom let Griffin touch his hair and cheeks.  He had the most beautiful big blue eyes.  The mom asked Griffin if he liked babies, he grinned and said yes.  We kept visiting and a little while later I was compelled to tell the mom that we were hoping to adopt a baby.  She lit up and was so excited, she commented that it seemed like Griffin would be a great big brother.  Then, as if reading my mind she said, "I was worried about my last two boys being so far apart in age, but it's been great.  We had three miscarriages before having our baby, we nearly gave up but here he is!  It all worked out!" 

Wow. 

I told her that we had multiple miscarriages, too, and that lead us to explore adoption.  She said, "Bless your heart, it's so hard isn't it?  They're your babies, it's so hard to understand unless you go through it."

Yes.

She kept talking about how excited she was for us, mentioned that they lived in St. Cloud, and wished us the best.

What a strange interaction, and just what I needed.  She got through and was now holding her baby, and so will I. 

Christmas Reflections

I did another one of those cross-posts by mistake, so take a little peek at our Thompson Family Blog.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

Much Better Day

Thanks to supportive friends (for the comments of encouragement and faith that our story will have a happy ending via chatting, blog posts and email comments), a great hubby and a productive day, I'm feeling MUCH better.  I'm still feeling very "in limboish", but at least I'm not wallowing in my sorrow {as much}.

I'm riding the wave (thanks Jodi!!). Letting what I feel just feel. 

I got my butt kicked at spin class, did some early pre-work grocery shopping, worked, got my gray hair adequately disguised, worked, went to a happy hour birthday party and made a quadruple batch of super yummy cheesy chicken wild rice soup.  Now for sleep.

And, I didn't even cry when a co-worker asked me, "Any baby news yet?"  Good thing he didn't ask me yesterday.

Arrivals

I checked out the LSS adoption website tonight and saw that the families that were listed as "Placement Pending" are now in the "Congratulations on your new arrival section!" (In addition to some families that were listed as waiting.)  So, things are happening!  One of the families has a biological child...that gives me hope that someone will pick us.  OK expecting parents, we're ready (beyond ready in some ways and as ready as we are going to be in others!)

On a side note, it's hard for me to look at the list of waiting families and know that some of them were on the list when we first considered adoption--which was about a year and a half ago!  I can't even begin to imagine their wait (and don't want to experience it), especially if their "pre-wait" was anything like ours.